Monday, December 31, 2007

Carry On My Wayward Japanese Girl

This video is nowhere as pervy as the title makes it sound. Rather it's a visually dull tape of a 10-year-old Japanese girl rocking out a solo keyboard version of Kansas' "Carry On My Wayward Son". Impressive!

(h/t The Corner)

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Microsoft's Confusing DRM Antics

I was recently musing about Microsoft's weird double-standards with regards to consumer-punishing digital rights management (DRM), but after reading this item it occurred to me that they've actually stumbled into an hat trick of contradictions.

As the linked article discusses, M$ has a pair of incompatible DRM schemes for their own Zune and players designed to run the previous PlaysForSure-protected content. Now they've rebranded both schemes into something even more confusing and likely to lead to customer dissatisfaction. Real f*cking bright, Redmond.

That stupidity has been going on for a year now, but where it gets weird is that the Fall Update for the Xbox 360 has added the capability to play back DivX and Xvid compressed files. So what? Well, the main source of these files are movies and TV shows being trading online. Isn't it contradictory to be so wrapped up in providing onerous DRM crap that you screw your former partners and the people who buy your hardware with incompatible schemes then turn around and make your game and media console work with pirated content?

I've watched "The Simpsons Movie", some anime and an episode of "Pushing Daisies"that my g/f and I missed viewing live, but I didn't want to watch on washed-out tape. A few hours after it had aired, I was able to pull it down off BitTorrent with the commercials chopped out and everything. While it didn't look as good as the HD broadcast would've, it was fine. Thanks to the update from DRM-crazed Microsoft, more "pirated" content will surely flow thru their system.

How is it that with such boneheaded moves on M$'s part, Apple is still sucking wind in comparison? Easy. As bad as M$ is, Apple is far worse in abusing their battered customers and those who aren't caught in the reality distortion field of Lord Jobs take one look at their pretty, but vacant, claptrap and flee.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

AmEx's False Advertising

I was just watching the cute American Express ad with Tina Fey - MILF!!! - touting their suspicious charge protection service. They call her up about 14,000 racket balls and take the charge off. I've had calls from Visa when I bought something really pricey from eBay, but in my experience AmEx was far less on their game.

It started when I went to Costco to get gas and had my card rejected. Huh? Another AmEx card worked fine, so I gassed up and went home to call them. The CSR said that there was a suspected fraud hold on it and that they'd take it off. Flash-forward a week and once again the card is being declined. It took two calls to India and a total trashing of my schedule to get it sorted out. No explanation as to why what I was told the prior week was inoperable. The security guy was pretty ill-tempered, too.

Jump ahead a month and I happened to look at my balance statement e-mail and say I owed over $4000! Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!?!? I gave them a call after checking my online statement and asked them how they didn't notice what appeared to be me on a tear of $400+ charges at what appeared to be Italian restaurants while ducking back home to get a tank of gas at Costco in the middle of this trip?

They didn't have an answer for that, but removed the charges and killed the card, issuing a new one. Extra problem was that all the stuff I had automatically billed to that card suddenly wasn't getting paid, pissing off those businesses. My financial tracking program is jacked up, too. Thanks, AmEx!!

Bottom line: Cute ad. Cute Tina Fey. Total bullsh*t in reality. (The ads, not Tina.)

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Greatest Headline In NY Post History?

The Post is infamous for their splashy headlines - "Headless Body Found In Topless Bar" is a classic - but according to VH1's "Best Week Ever" site, this is the greatest ever:


Cool Destroyed AT-AT Model

Check this model out:


"You Wears The Scarf Or You Gets The Dead!"

Today's Religion of Peace update comes from the suburbs of Toronto where a "devout Muslim father" honor-killed his pretty 16-year-old daughter for refusing to wear the hijab, the Muslim head scarf the sexist barbaric medieval faith demands their women wear.

The girl's friends, meanwhile, told local media she was having trouble at home because she did not conform to the family's religious beliefs and refused to wear a traditional Islamic head scarf, or hijab.

"She wanted to go different ways than her family wanted to go, and she wanted to make her own path, but he (her father) wouldn't let her," one of her classmates told public broadcaster CBC.

"She loved clothes," another of her friends, Dominiquia Holmes-Thompson, told the daily Toronto Star. "She just wanted to show her beauty ... She just wanted to dress like us, just like a normal person."
Her older brother also interfered with the investigation, so his daughters (if and when he has some) better not know about what happened to their aunt if they want to get a good night's sleep.

A TV news piece about this is here and while you watch it keep in mind that according to the media's conventional wisdom the Catholic Church is the most anti-female religion because it doesn't ordain women as priests.

Why Getting Foreign-Language Tattoos Isn't Very Smart.

I don't have any tattoos. There simply isn't anything important enough that I need it permanently inscribed onto my flesh. I don't have a problem with people who have intricately-done artistic tats, but waaaaaay too many people get stupid flash like the Tasmanian Devil or big, black "tribal" tattoos. That just announces, "I'm an idiot." before they open their noise holes.

The next level of dumb tattoos are the Asian characters people get. Some forgotten sitcom a couple years back played on this with a big macho black dude saying that it meant "fierce warrior" only to learn from the Chinese food delivery man that it really meant "He who lays with other men." Har-har.

A friend and his wife have several tattoos, but the kicker was when they got the Chinese figures for "man" and "woman" on the backs of their necks. I leaned over to Hermione and said, "Wouldn't it be funny if they actual said "asshole" and "slut"? (Note: It's a "Rocky Horror Picture Show" reference, not a commentary on their characters.)

What brings this up is this story about a dumb girl in love who decided to get her boyfriend du jour's name - they're now broken up; HA! - tattooed on her tummy only to learn that it actually meant "supermarket". Har-har^2.

Winona Ryder Sex Tape?!?

This must been during her time hanging out with Courtney Love, abusing pharmaceuticals and shoplifting.

They say you need to hit bottom before recovering. This is a good contender for being that bottom.

Jessica Alba Pregnant. Life Loses Meaning.

Say goodbye to all of this...

Dear God,

I don't mean to disturb you, but could you PLEASE see it in your kindness to not have Jessica's life go down the crapper like Britney Spears' after she threw it all away to breed with some.......civilian? We'd appreciate it down here.



Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Dems Vote No On Christmas.

If there was any doubt that the some Democrats are particularly anti-Christian and unashamed to let everyone know that they will accept no God higher than themselves, nine Dem House Representatives - Rep. Gary Ackerman (D-NY), Rep. Yvette Clarke (D-NY), Rep. Diana DeGette (D-CO), Rep. Alcee Hastings (D-FL) (FL), Rep. Barbara Lee (D-CA), Rep. Jim McDermott (D-WA), Rep. Bobby Scott (D-VA), Rep. Pete Stark (D-CA), and Rep. Lynn Woolsey (D-CA) - all voted "Aw, hell no!!!" (Will Smith style) to a generic resolution... honor Christmas and the Christian faith. The vote shocked Capitol Hill observers because votes on similar resolutions honoring the holidays of Islam and Hinduism passed without any NO votes.

Appearing this morning on the Fox News Channel’s Fox and Friends, King said, “I would like to know how they could vote Yes on Islam, Yes on the Indian Religions and No on Christianity when the foundation of this nation and our American culture is Christianity…I think there’s an assault on Christianity in America.”

None of the nine voted against resolutions honoring the Islamic holiday of Ramadan and the Hindu holiday of Diwali.
So they don't have a problem supporting the blood-thirsty faith that seeks to slit their throats and Hindus - hey, Quik-E Mart owners need prayers, right? - by the religion that put the "Christ" into Christmas is where they stand up and express their contempt for religion. Nice. I'm sure they'll be in their offices on Dec. 25th. [snort]

(h/t Malkin)

Best. Wedding. Dance. Video. Ever.

My pal McHatin sent this link along and I was wondering where it was going at first, since it was doing little to dispell the "white people can't dance" meme. Stick with it. What appears to be the blooper actually sets up the payoff. I foresee a healthy marriage for these two if they're willing to take the piss out of stodgy tradition like this. Mazel tov!

Demon Kitty Double Shot!!!

Note: Watch out for these two videos if you're at work and are listening on speakers.

First, we have what appears to be an adopt-a-pet feature that the cat doesn't appreciate and doesn't appreciate that its life expectancy plummets if it acts up this way.

Next, we have a cat that clearly doesn't like what the camera operator is doing.

The shame for this snowball is that when it tears its owner to pieces in their sleep, the blood is going to be awful hard to wash off.

Kitty Eats Melon/Kitty Breaks Up Catfight

In keeping with the cat video run I've been on are this pair. The first is about two minutes longer than it needed to be, but is cute. (h/t ZDNet)

The second is, well, just watch it. (Farging bastage user blocked embedding.)

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Wither Supermodel Cashier?

Last March I posted about an employee at Costco I'd dubbed "Supermodel Cashier". I haven't seen her in the past month or so during visits on different days of the week. Since many of the employees there have been there since Costco came into the area in 1998 and turnover is low, maybe she finally got discovered. I wonder...

The History of LOLCats

For those wondering about that last post.

Flavor: Has You Got It?

Monday, December 10, 2007

Mitt's Notes on Religion

Because Evangelicals are acting like a one-note herd of clueless paranoiacs about Mitt Romney's Mormon faith, he had to give a speech last week explaining to the holy rollers and atheists that he's not like Tom Cruise or whatever.

What is funny is this parody at the Weekly Standard which purports to be a glimpse at how just one paragraph of the speech was crafted. Heh.

(Since it's a graphic, I can't quote a snip here, but it's worth a click on faith. Heh^2.)

Connecting the Pixar In-Joke Dots

A bloke with sharp eyes and a lot of spare time has compiled a lengthy illustrated list of in-jokes, references and cameos in Pixar's shorts and features. It's pretty interesting, so check it out.

(h/t Digg)

How Freaky Is Your Cashier or Waitress?

Hermione and I have had a long-running hobby of ascribing various levels of sexual deviancy (or lack thereof) to the various clerks, cashiers, waitresses and whatnots we encounter. Tonight, while leaving Blockbuster, she asked, "What do you think he does for kicks?" After about .47 seconds of thought, I replied, "Goes home and watches alien tentacle porn. That hentai anime stuff that makes Godzilla want to keep stomping the place." She agreed with my astute judgment.

If a girl seems quiet and reserved, "She's never had an orgasm." or "She's totally wild. She's into stuff that's illegal in Muslim cultures or states south of Ohio." Guys get it just as bad, too. "Dude drives a black-and-gold Trans Am." or the now-classic description I had for a poet who was freaking out the audience with his creepy, misogynistic orations, "Why am I getting the image of several meat freezers in his basement filled with the bodies of missing prostitutes?"

Is this making rash personal judgments about people based on the most superficial criterion; judging a book by its cover in the most shallow way? Hell, yes it is!!! Duh!!! It's not like we're denying them a mortgage or slashing their tires or anything actually harmful. Heck, they're probably doing the exact same thing about us! "That poor girl. How can she stand that asshole?" or "He's hot. I ought to knife that bitch and show him what real poonannie is like. Ya feel me?"

If you don't do so already - yeah, right, you don't - take more than a cursory glance at your service industry worker and take a guess as to what they're like when they take off that name tag and uniform. Try and imagine what they're like off the clock and on the town. As mean-spirited as this activity may seem, it actually makes you take more notice of those folks whom we take for granted every day. Perhaps that janitor cleaning the bathroom is an excellent salsa dancer. It's SOP to ignore people beneath our station - or what we think our lofty station is - so by being "mean", we can actually be kinder than those who think service people's only purpose is to serve us.

Friday, December 07, 2007

i maed an lolcat. lulz

I love lolcats and the site with all the fun is They've just added a new lolcat maker with free hosting, so I'll be posting my efforts here from time to time.

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Spider-Man Is A Jazz-Loving Lesbian!

So says entry #3 in Cracked's list of The 8 Most Cringe-Worthy Comic Book Movie Moments.

As Seen In: Spider-Man 3

Why It Sucks: Taken over by an evil symbiote, Peter Parker finds himself doing dastardly deeds we never thought possible, including acting emo, asking for cookies (with nuts in them), and worst of all, playing jazz piano while for some reason looking almost exactly like the lesbian musician K.D. Lang.

Yes, it most certainly did suck.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Hillary! Dumps Her Canadian Anthem?

As I chronicled here, Hillary! chose a Canadian-written, Canadian-performed, Canadian airline theme as her campaign song. Now, she seems to have decided to switch to an American band's song. She must really be feeling that Obama heat. Heh.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Are You Smarter Than A French Person?

Liberal elites love to prattle on about how much smarter they are than "Red State Bubbas" and gasp in near-orgasmic rapture over the enlightened status the French have over crass Americans. Whatever. (They never seem to move to the Continent, do they? Johnny Depp excepted.)

Anyhoo, check out this clip from the French version of "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?" in which Froggy is stumped by the question, "What revolves around the Earth?"

I'm not sure which is worse: that the John Kerry-looking dolt didn't know the answer or that 56% precent of the audience thought it was the Sun. (2% thought it was Mars!) These people are able to have nuclear power plants with this level of scientific knowledge?

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Rap Lyrics Charted and Graphed

Absoltively KILLER!!!


The more rap songs you know, the funnier this will be.

(h/t: Gorilla Mask)

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

If One Language Is Good Enough For France, Why Not Amerca?

America used to be the "Melting Pot" where immigrants would come and assimilate into their new country's culture, adopting its language and customs. No thanks to the poisonous, suicidal ideology of liberalism, to even suggest that English be the official language of our government (or even the private sector) is to invite much opprobrium and accusations that you are a slew of "-ist" pathologies. It is now un-American to suggest that people who come here try to fit in with the rest of us Americans.

John Fund talks about Nancy Pelosi and the fascist Democrats willingness to tell an overwhelming majority of Americans to get stuck on this subject.

The U.S. used to welcome immigrants while at the same time encouraging assimilation. Since 1906, for example, new citizens have had to show "the ability to read, write and speak ordinary English." A century later, this preference for assimilation is still overwhelmingly popular. A new Rasmussen poll finds that 87% of voters think it "very important" that people speak English in the U.S., with four out of five Hispanics agreeing. And 77% support the right of employers to have English-only policies, while only 14% are opposed.

But hardball politics practiced by ethnic grievance lobbies is driving assimilation into the dustbin of history. The House Hispanic Caucus withheld its votes from a key bill granting relief on the Alternative Minimum Tax until Ms. Pelosi promised to kill the Salvation Army relief amendment.

[T]he public is ready for leadership that will forthrightly defend reasonable assimilation. California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger won plaudits when he said last June that one way to close the Latino learning divide was "to turn off the Spanish TV set. It's that simple. You've got to learn English." Ruben Navarette, a columnist with the San Diego Union-Tribune, agreed, warning that "industries such as native language education or Spanish-language television [create] linguistic cocoons that offer the comfort of a warm bath when what English-learners really need is a cold shower."

But the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, the federal agency that last year filed over 200 lawsuits against employers over English-only rules, has a different vision. Its lawsuit against the Salvation Army accuses the organization of discriminating against two employees at its Framingham, Mass., thrift store "on the basis of their national origin." Its crime was to give the employees a year's notice that they should speak English on the job (outside of breaks) and then firing them after they did not.
(The irony of Ahnuld lecturing people to learn English - he's been here for 39 years and still has a heavier accent than an Asian kid would have after 39 weeks - shall go unremarked upon by me.)

If I were to move to France and demand that they speak English to show sensitivity to my po' widdle feewings, they'd snarl, "Obtenir de l'enfer ici, vous stupides d'Amérique" back at me. Mexico has their southern border braced against invaders and then turns and blasts us for our feeble feints at building a Potemkin wall. This is what fuels Tom Tancredo's one-issue campaign - you ask him what he had for lunch and he'll go off on illegal immigration - and his supporters, people who are sick and tired over being called xenophobic racists because they want immigrants to follow the process their European ancestors did.

I wonder if any of the Stupid Party clowns (other than Tancredo) will take a strong, SERIOUS, FOR REALS, stand on securing our borders and defining our English-speaking culture or whether they're too busy trying to pander to the Latino vote?

If You Stay In Hotels, You'll Want To See This!

Is your hotel cleaning crew really cleaning things in an effective manner? Watch this and try not to reflexively think that perhaps Howard Hughes wasn't so crazy.

I feel like I need a tetanus shot after watching that. Ugh.

The Question We Won't Be Seeing Answered Tonight.

The Stupid Party candidates are on deck for tonight's CNN/YouTube "debate" where the questions - specially chosen to make them answer stuff along the lines of "Are you still beating your wife?" - come from the people (or snowmen). Here the one that won't be asked and answered:

(h/t: Malkin's Haus o' Blog-Flavored Pancakes)

Quand Drag Queens Attaque: Deuxième Partie!

Hot on the fabulous heels of this item comes word that French police detained a 'drag queen' over 18 gay murders.

French police have detained a 68-year-old man -- reported to be a 'drag queen' performer -- suspected of murdering 18 mainly homosexual men, a judicial source said Wednesday.

The murders were committed between 1980 and 2002 in eastern France and the Paris region.
With another wave of Muslim rioters shooting up the French gendarmes, there's a little irony that they've busted a guy for doing what the rioters would also like to do: kill homosexuals.

A commenter at Michelle Malkin's site suggested, "They should send in their battle-hardened Iraq War veterans to...oh, wait..." Heh.

Have you heard about the French guns? They've never been fired and only dropped once. Try the veal!

18 Months Later, It's Still Brilliant.

I came across this while surfing and couldn't help but marvel at how simply brilliant this OK Go video is. Filmed in 17 takes, one copy posted on YouTube has been viewed 25,623,724 times at this posting. Factor in all the duplicates all over teh Intarwebz and it's got to be easily in the mid-30 millions by now.

The next time you see some uber-budgeted extravaganza video, ask yourself if it's more entertaining that this.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

For You Red Shirts Out There...

This has got to annoy you:

(h/t: Joystiq)

When Drag Queens Attack!!!

I'm thinking "LaToya: Queen of the Drive-Thru" here for some reason.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Epic "Wheel of Fortune" Failure

If you thought the "South Park" episode where Randy Marsh faceplants on the puzzle "People Who Are Annoying" with the letters "N_GGERS" in the board was far-fetched, check out this idiot who, with $62,400 in the bank and only THREE letters left to guess, can't solve the puzzle and then guesses a wrong letter.

On this day before Thanksgiving, be thankful that you don't have to carry this shame around.

Friday, November 16, 2007

The Real Places on the Back of Your Money.

Check out four cool pictures of the Washington D.C. landmarks on the backs of the $5, $10, $20, and $50 bills held up in front of the real buildings. Neat!

Dems "Diversity" Summed Up Tidily.

Liberals like to spew the myth that they are "diverse" and "tolerant" while enforcing strict ideological conformity by force of speech codes and whatnot. In a throwaway Corner post, Jonah Goldberg echoes my attitude thus:

Anyhow, here we have the GOP field: a pro-choice, pro-gay rights, etc, etc, is the frontrunner in the national polls. The frontrunner in the New Hampshire and Iowa polls, is a former pro-choice Mormon, former governor of one of the most famously liberal states whose healthcare policies are reminiscent (at the state level) of Hillary Clinton's. Then there's John McCain, a pro-campaign finance reform, industry regulating, and amnesty supporting opponent of tax cuts who not long ago graced the cover of the New Republic as perhaps the best nominee the Democrats could have. Fred Thompson opposes the human life amendment, but is a supporter of a states' rights approach to abortion. The rising star on the right is Mike Huckabee who displays little love for the free market, and considerable love of tax hikes. His feelings toward federalism seem to be the opposite of Thompson's. Oh and there's that Ron Paul guy who has the support of many of the most fired up activists and he wants to pull-up America's stakes around the globe and cut the size of government by 18 trillion percent.

But, ah yes, the Democratic Party is the party of real diversity — defined as a black, an Hispanic, a Southern white guy, and a woman who all believe pretty much the exact same thing.
What he leaves out is the aspect that one of the biggest reasons the Stupid Party isn't assured of defeating the bitter, criminal, radical Evita that is Hillary! is that real conservative voters find many of the Stupid Party candidates liberal positions to be deal-breakers for supporting them. While Hillary! makes the least amount of moonbat noises thanks to a well-honed ability to lie like a rug, the Stupid Party field is populated with weak cheese doofuses who all want to claim the mantle of Reagan without actually sharing the principles. This is a very sad time for our Republic.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Pork & Defeat: The Dems Breakfast of Losers

Hugh Hewitt sez:

Reid's threat provides a great moment of clarity about the Democrats' deep investment in defeat. The prospect of the emerging stability in Iraq is so unsettling to the left that the Democrats will openly urge a cut-off of support for the troops in order to sabotage victory, even as they pile spending and taxes to the sky.

The president needs to keep the vetoes coming, and the GOP needs to keep the spotlight on the Democrats demand that the U.S. lose a war it is winning. Rarely does such an obvious and deep divide open in American politics, but the Democrats have been fully captured by their hard left faction, and the results are impossible to disguise or their implications to avoid. No Congress has ever refused to fund troops that are in a war, but this is a radical Congress led by radical Democrats about to nominate a radical candidate for the presidency.
I know all about the insane fascist-liberals who can't restrain their glee over every soldier's death because they see political power flowing in that blood. Too bad the Stupid Party seems to have no one to offer in opposition to stand for a full package of real conservative values.

Hermione and I were discussing the sorry Presidential race the other day when I asked her, "As evil as the Democrats are, have you heard me talking up any Republicans?

she replied.

In a nation of 300 million people, these bozos are the best we've got to choose from? Gah!

From Dearbornistan With Love (or a Sham Marriage)

How many more sleepers like this are riddling our feckless government?

The sister-in-law of the indicted fugitive owner of the La Shish restaurant chain got sensitive jobs at the FBI and CIA, despite being an illegal immigrant, federal prosecutors said in court documents unsealed today in Detroit.

The woman, Nada Nadim Prouty, 37, of Vienna, Va., also tapped into a sensitive FBI computer to find out what federal investigators knew about her, La Shish restaurant owner Talal Chahine, and her sister, who is married to Chahine.

Prosecutors said she took an unknown quantity of classified information home with her. It’s unclear what happened, or what she did with the information, prosecutors said.
But wait, there's more!
In 1999, she was hired as a special agent in the FBI's field office in Washington, where she investigated crimes committed against U.S. residents while overseas. She was not part of investigations into Hezbollah, the Lebanese guerrilla group that the U.S. government has designated a foreign terrorist organization.

Prouty was not authorized to search the FBI database, in 2002, for her name and that of her sister and brother-in law. Her relatives were linked to Hezbollah two years later when they joined a senior Hezbollah official at a fundraiser.

Prouty's brother-in-law Talal Chanine spoke at that fund raiser in Lebanon alongside Hezbollah's one-time spiritual leader Sheikh Fadlallah, reports CBS News correspondent Bob Orr.

Prouty joined the CIA in 2003. CIA spokesman Mark Mansfield described Prouty as a "midlevel employee" who violated immigration laws long before she was hired by the government.
Overstayed visa. Sham marriage. Access to government secrets. Ties to terror-supporting people.

A perfect candidate for amnesty and a path to....whoops, she's already a citizen!!! Nice!!!!

Hired during the Clinton Regime; undetected for most of the Team Dubya years. Does anyone sane think mass shamnesty for people here illegally is a good idea?

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Think Your Boss Doesn't Know About Facebook?

Then try and call off work for a couple of days, making it sound like a family emergency when it's just a Halloween party you wanted to go to.

As a fairy princess.

When you're a guy.

Humiliatingly gory details are here. Heh.

Movie/DVD Mini-Review Fourplay!

When I wasn't getting wheeljacked, I was enjoying some cinema.

30 Days of Night - Good concept (vampires attack an Alaska town during a stretch where the sun never comes up) well executed. Josh Hartnett actually avoids ruining it, too, providing the film's biggest shock.

Score: 8/10 - Catch a matinée.


Fred Claus - Snuck into this after the previous film and am totally glad I didn't pay for this tone deaf, unfunny mess. The best scene is when Fred (Santa's brother) attends a support group for the siblings of famous people. Other members include Roger Clinton, Steven Baldwin and Frank Stallone. Go watch "Elf" again instead of this whiff.

Score: 3/10 - Watch on cable if you can't change the channel.


Mr. Brooks (DVD) - What could've been a taut psychological thriller about an upstanding businessman with an addiction to serial killing founders under way too many plot details. Brevity is the soul of wit, but the writers though more=more.

Score: 6/10 - Rent it.


Ocean's Thirteen - George, Brad, Matt & Co. bounce back from the self-indulgent "Ocean's 12" with a brisk, meaningless romp set back in Vegas. They aren't really trying, but charm carries the day. The DVD looks terrible, though.

Score: 6/10 - Rent it.

Unleash the Cameras of War!

Michael Yon - the milblogger who has single-handedly shamed the Treason Media with his modern-day Ernie Pyle reporting - has a lengthy post about the cameras he is using and the challenges of shooting a shooting war. If you're a shutterbug, check it out.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Why It Sucks To Be Me.

This is what greeted me as I left Hermione's house in Detroit to go to work about an hour ago:

I'm sure that this larceny was no more than a reaction to 400 years of slavery and oppression and a pittance compared to the reparations I should be paying for a lifetime of White Skin Privilege. Yeah, that's what happened. Justice.

UPDATE (11/13): They sent a pair of cute lady cops to take my report. One looked like pro beach volleyball player Misty May and the blonde looked like she should be working in a tanning salon, not packing heat on the ghetto streets of tha D. I wonder if they get stuck with all the little property crime stuff or whether they also kick down the doors of crack houses. If I was remaking "Cagney & Lacey", they'd look like these two.

I was expecting to have to get it towed to a dealership and they were saying it'd be a day or two to get the wheels ordered and in, but my insurance company claims person told be they had a deal with a tire supplier to bring out replacement wheels and put them on in the drive. Of course I opted for that, but doesn't it seem odd that the dealership doesn't have wheels in stock but this tire place does? The body shop guy at the dealer found that interesting as did some people at my work. Will somebody be getting my wheels on their car because theirs got jacked? Hmmmm.

It was a busy night for the thieves. The blonde cop told me another car of the same model got tagged a couple of blocks down the street and the towing company said they had three calls in the neighborhood themselves. I had a hard time sleeping thru the night last night. I usually sleep so deeply, someone could steal me without my noticing.

That's life in tha D. Having a "thug maya" encourages thug crime that's surely hitting blacks and whites alike. Too bad political correctness excuses these parasites. This is what Bill Cosby is talking about. Too bad Sharpton is viewed as more a moral authority, despite his record of lying and inciting hatred. Fortunately, not all blacks are happy with Al and Jesse speaking for them. We'll be able to get along sometime after you stop stealing people's stuff, yo.

Friday, November 09, 2007

24: The Unaired 1994 Pilot

Due to the Writers Guild strike, it's been announced that Season 7 of "24" will be postponed until they can put on an uninterrupted season. Those looking for their "Jack Bauer Power Hour" fix will have to settle for a peak at the original pilot episode produced seven years before it finally hit the air in 2001.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Look Up!

Snazzy, eh? I'll be changing the header from time to time, perhaps seasonally, so subscribe to the feed at right to see what sort of awesomeness gets put atop Dirkworld!

Jimmy Carter: Cat Murderer!

Will PETA rise up to demand that his Nobel Peace Prize (for working toward the extermination of the Jews) be revoked?

I saw this letter yesterday in the Athenaeum, a private library and document collection in Eufaula, Alabama—just over the river and around the way from Jimmy’s home in Plains, Georgia. It’s addressed to his sister-in-law Sybil Carter, Billy’s widow.


To Sybil,

Lamentably, I killed your cat while trying just to sting it. It was crouched, as usual, under one of our bird feeders & I fired from some distance with bird shot. It may ease your grief somewhat to know that the cat was buried properly with a prayer & that I’ll be glad to get you another of your choice.

Love, Jimmy
Yeesh. Dick Cheney sprays a friend - who SURVIVES - and he never hears the end of it, but this peanut head gets to KILL a defenseless critter and he's the elder statesman of politics. Come to think of it, Ted Kennedy has a body count. What is it about Democrats and killing people?

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Let's Just Call This "Deep Mike".

At the end of a typically juvenile post of videos of girls exhibiting their lack of gag reflex on various phallic-shaped objects was this video of a poor male singer who, well, take a look...

I wish they showed how that resolved. I'm sure he switched to a headset mike after this incident. That is, if he survived.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Now I'm Doubly Glad I Dumped AT&T.

While the long process of mopping up after my mother's affairs drags on, one thing I recently did was axe the AT&T service and switch to Vonage at a savings of about 70% per month. I don't know why the bill was so freaking high, but it's clear from this video, they weren't using my money to train their CSRs in basic human empathy.

See what happens when your house burns down and you've got AT&T TV service:

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Steven Colbert Loses It.

Nothing metaphorical about this item, just a four-year-old clip from the Daily Show in which the usually unflappable Colbert totally augers in after a couple of minutes.

(h/t: Gorilla Mask)

Friday, October 19, 2007

Sam Brownback Drops Out

This explains why today feels no different from any other day.

The Inconvenient Truths About Rendition (Not That The Truth Matters To Some)

The latest fantasy film about how evil America is and how noble terrorists are, Rendition, came out today and even the reliably liberal movie critics aren't rolling over and playing dead like they did for the toxic and dishonest "white people BAD!" Oscar-winner "Crash" as it only has a 43% score at Rotten Tomatoes.

How dishonest is "Rendition"? Daniel Benjamin, a senior fellow at the Brookings Institution, and former Clinton Regime NSC staffer for five years felt the need to clear up "5 Myths About Rendition (and That New Movie)":

In fact, the term "rendition" in the counterterrorism context means nothing more than moving someone from one country to another, outside the formal process of extradition. For the CIA, rendition has become a key tool for getting terrorists from places where they're causing trouble to places where they can't. The problem is where these people are taken and what happens to them when they get there. As a former director for counterterrorism policy on the National Security Council staff, I've been involved with the issue of rendition for nearly a decade -- and some of the myths surrounding it need to be cleared up.

1. Rendition is something the Bush administration cooked up.

2. People who are "rendered" inevitably end up in a foreign slammer -- or worse.

3. Step one of a rendition involves kidnapping the suspect.

4. Rendition is just a euphemism for outsourcing torture.

5. Pretty much anyone -- including U.S. citizens and green card holders -- can be rendered these days.
How many of these myths have you swallowed thanks to the endless drumbeat of anti-Dubya rhetoric? Go read some facts. You're welcome.

Not that the unhinged Can'tMoveOn.Argh types are hearing any of it. The very first comment at the time I'm writing this is typical bile and rage that animates these moonbats:
By the way he talks, sounds like Mr. Benjamin is a great candidate for indictment as a war criminal. Perhaps we can get Blackwater a contract to shanghai ("render") Mr. Benjamin to the criminal court in The Hague and let justice be served. Wow, 10 years experience in kidnapping people off the street and sending them to be tortured in the world's nastiest dictatorships. Wow again.rage:
(I wonder if this mook is planning on voting for Hillary! to return the glorious Clinton name to the throne?)

The Washington Post is a leader of the Treason Media and published the national security-violating story that won the traitor Dana Priest a Pulitzer Prize, but to the unhinged morons that make up the Democratic Party base these days, the WaPo is just as evil as Darth Fox News. Reality is the enemy for these bozos.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Apple's Still Sour (and Their Cultists Are Still Losers!)

It's been 8 days since Apple received my defective iPod Classic and still no sign of a repaired or replacement unit coming back. The support site says that they're "Diagnosing product" which makes a lot of sense that it was MY diagnostic experiments that prompted my demand for a replacement. The battery sucks, you morons! SEND ME A WORKING UNIT!!!! Yeesh.

Keeping on the sour Apple tip, I missed this article, "The Worst Thing about Macs", by Jason Cross which lists the problems Macs have, not so much the machines, but the annoying, arrogant, asstackling (L)USERS of said machines.

3. Apple fans have an attitude where, when Apple does something bad, it's okay, or at least understandable. When other companies, especially arch-rival Microsoft, does the same exact thing, it's a travesty and obviously clear evidence of why the courts should take them down. When Microsoft bundles its own software with Windows, it's time for antitrust litigation. When Apple does the same with Mac computer or OS X, they're not shutting out competitors—they're adding value. Open source rules, and Windows is bad for being closed, except of course for how OS X is closed, because that's okay. And nobody gives credit to Microsoft for having a smartphone platform that allows for real 3rd party applications, instead celebrating the clever ways in which hackers have managed to get around Apple's "not on my phone" policy to do the same. Until they update the phone and brick it, of course. You know, AT&T refusing to provide unlock codes for iPhones is against federal regulations, right? Where's the outrage?
Did I mention that the members of the Cupertino Death Cult are also hypocrites? That, too.

Cross follows up this week with some feedback that isn't very interesting except for a link he provides at the end to a site that accurately satirizes the Apple Product Cycle. A snip:
• An obscure component manufacturer somewhere in the Pacific Rim announces a major order for some bleeding-edge piece of technology that could conceivably become part of an expensive, digital-lifestyle-enhancing nerd toy.

• Some hardware geek, the sort who actually reads press releases from obscure Pacific Rim component manufacturers, posts a link to the press release in a Mac Internet forum.

• The Mac rumor sites spring into action. Liberally quoting “reliable” sources inside Cupertino, irrelevant “experts,” and each other, they quickly transform baseless speculation into widely accepted fact.

• Apple releases the first software update for the new device through its Software Update control panel. Several hours later, it pulls the updater. A small number of people who applied the update experience crashes, data loss, headaches and ennui. The Apple support forums are filled with outraged posts. A day or so later, Apple releases a revised installer without comment, then quietly removes the angry posts from its support forums.

• Wall Street analysts appear on CNBC to explain that Apple's device will never be able to compete with the onslaught of cheaper Windows-based competitors. Apple's stock plummets. Idiot technology investors experience a brief moment of deja vu before they return to masturbating to photos of Maria Bartiromo.
Be sure to read the author's CV.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Shouldn't Talent Be A Prerequisite For A Talent Segment?

Suddenly, the end of "Little Miss Sunshine" doesn't seem so lame.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Buy Me This Shirt!!!

Every wonder if there is a wi-fi hotspot nearby? Well, if you get me this shirt...

...and are standing in front of me, you'll know for sure and how strong the signal is.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Back To The Orchard It Goes

The battery concerns I've had since the 2nd day I've had my iPod Classic have come to a head and I filed a service complaint with Apple and they're sending a box for me to ship back my obviously defective unit for replacement.

After putting up with the intermittent self-pausing and craptastic battery life for a few weeks, it really showed me how much Steve Jobs thinks of the suckers who buy his defective crap by shedding 2/3rds of its power reserves after less than 4 hours of play. FTS!

Of the three iPods I've owned - a 10GB 2G, 40GB 4G, and this 80GB Classic - I've found the failure rate of iPods to be double that of the notorious X.B.O.X.3.6.0., but will the herds of Apple cultists aver acknowledge that? Yep, thought not.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Flash Photography

This just cracked me up something crazy:

Yeah, the lighting doesn't match, but it's still a hoot.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

No Smoking!!! (Unless You're Muslim, That Is)

Mark Steyn casts an askance glance at the latest example of Western civilization's unwillingness to stand up for itself. Ganked in toto from The Corner:

Okay, Muslim foot-baths in Kansas City airport, gender-segregated swimming sessions at French municipal pools, banning pork from Aussie hospital menus, no eating donuts for Belgian cops during Ramadan, no seeing-eye dogs or alcohol in Minneapolis taxi cabs, fine, fine, fine. Must be sensitive and all that.

But this is an amazing victory. In Vancouver, infidels can't smoke but Muslims can:
Vancouver's hookah-parlour owners are celebrating after winning an exemption Thursday from a proposed new bylaw that will ban smoking on most sidewalks in commercial districts, in bus shelters and even in taxis passing through Vancouver.

In giving the bylaw unanimous approval-in-principle, Vancouver city council members bowed to arguments that hookah lounges provide an important cultural space for the city's Muslims and granted them a temporary exemption...

[Emad Yacoub] said hookah lounges are essential for immigrants from hookah-smoking cultures, because it helps them deal with the depression common for newcomers and gives them places like they have at home.
Where do the rest of us go to deal with depression? As Jay Currie asks, "What about my culture?"
By creating a special exemption for Muslims - who do seem to be the only immigrant group actively demanding these sorts of “cultural accommodations” we are basically declaring our Muslim citizens worthy of special treatment and, at the same time, unworthy of the health concerns which are purported to be the basis of general smoking bans.
The state, in other words, is prepared to treat Muslims as free-born adults who can weigh the "cultural value" (ie, the pleasures) of smoking against the health risks. But not the rest of us.
Hermione smokes a little and has felt the fascist grip of Canuck nannyism tighten on her over the years during our sojourns to Toronto. I'll have to tell her to light up and when anyone hassles her, she should say, "Back off! I'm Muslim, Bub!" even though she's so melanin deficient that she can be used to set a white balance.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Friday Fiver

I was going to do a Morning Coffee, but I've got too much on my plate to be distracted. (Please try to be strong.)

1. Do you like looking at stars?

In the sky or the tabloids?

2. Who do you say "I love you" to?

No one.

3. Did you say "good night!" to anyone last night?

Yes. (Your mother.)

4. When is the last time you felt blue?

That would imply that I've stopped feeling blue in the last four months.

5. Tell us one of your dreams:

For the drama to end.

"Don't Tase Me, Bro! Ow, Ow, OWWW!!!!"

By now, the quote in the title is as groan-inducing after only a few days as "Where's The Beef?" is today after two decades. However, Uber has gathered 10 examples of stun gun lovin' action including this #4 entry which I'd seen before, but never shared because it's kind of depressing. I'll wait while you get aghasted, too...

OK, while stupid dumbasses harming themselves is usually mildly entertaining and people generally do dumb stuff when they've been drinking and are stupid, I've never been that drunk with hot babes AND suggested, "You know what would be fun, guys? Getting out the camera and zapping each other with the stun gun AND throwing shirkens into our asses! Yeah!!! Hey, Britney, why don't you sing a little before we zap ya?"

Their parents must be so proud.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

How Stupid Does Joe Klein Think We Are?

Joe Klein is a Clinton water-carrier and general tool, but what is amazing is that he is so up his own ass that he doesn't even realize that he's refuting his own point with his own "evidence" in his poo-fling entitled "Why Drudge is a Disgrace"

I know this is old news, but this guy is shameless. The headline, with a photo of a three-quarters crazed Hillary, is HEALTH INSURANCE PROOF REQUIRED FOR WORK but the linked story says this:
At this point, we don't have anything punitive that we have proposed," the presidential candidate said in an interview with The Associated Press. "We're providing incentives and tax credits which we think will be very attractive to the vast majority of Americans."

She said she could envision a day when "you have to show proof to your employer that you're insured as a part of the job interview — like when your kid goes to school and has to show proof of vaccination," but said such details would be worked out through negotiations with Congress.
How stupid does he think we are? Answer: Extremely dumbolic.
Look at the bold text above. How is what Drudge wrote different from what Hillary! said?

How stupid does Joe Klein think we are? Answer: Extremely dumbolic.

"Because It Ain't Funny Unless An Animal Is Getting Hurt!"

The title of this post is something Hermione and I say to each other whenever we see a trailer for a comedy which features a shot of some pet being in a cast or something. (e.g. "Problem Child" and that one where a dog is in a full body cast; "There's Something About Mary", perhaps?)

Well, this woman(!) has collected over 50 photos of animals in casts including these injured pooches and kittehs:

Bill Maher: Un-American Idiot

The smug, unfunny, bitter, angry, bigoted and unhinged jackass was on Blitzed Wolf's "Situation Room" program because, well, I guess because there are no better commentators available to analyze world events than bitter asstacklers like Maher.

For those short on time (and weak of stomach), the co-star of "D.C. Cab" calls Dubya a liar and anyone who doesn't spew the defeatist and self-hating shibboleths of the extreme Left "stooges." Yeah, right, Bill. Your speech rights sure are being infringed, aren't they? When Wolf Blitzer is calling you out on your bullsh*t, perhaps it's time to stick to what you're best at: being insincere to hot black women.

Mallrats + Superfriends = Justice Rats!

More mash-up wackiness!

There are a bunch more of varying humorousity here, but this was the funniest one I watched.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Happy Birthday, :-)!!!

Tomorrow morning is when the Digital 'Smiley Face' Turns 25 thanks to Carnegie Mellon professor Scott E. Fahlman, who typed a colon followed by a hyphen and a parenthesis to form the first "emoticon." To celebrate this moment, let's give Professor Fahlman a couple of \m/.

Tuesday Morning Coffee

JIHADIST IN MY BACKYARD UPDATE - The intellectually-crippling effects of political correctness and multi-culturalism are on full display in this vacuous Freep article which is headlined, "Armed student's motives unclear Dearborn."

His face painted black, Houssein Zorkot entered a park in east Dearborn Sept. 8, cocked an AK47 he had bought the same day, and then tried to flee police after they confronted him, authorities say.

Were those the actions of a confused young man or those of a potential terrorist with ill intentions?

Dearborn authorities say it's unclear what Zorkot, a 26-year-old medical student from Dearborn, was up to when he was in Hemlock Park armed with the AK47 he had purchased about 1 p.m. that day.

The FBI and police are investigating Zorkot, who appears sympathetic to Hizballah, a terrorist group. But for now, they've found no direct links between him and any terrorist organization, Dearborn Mayor John O'Reilly Jr. said. Dearborn police referred all calls to the mayor.
A reader's comment captures the reality disconnect nicely:
Let's flip this one around.

Let's say a 26 year old white male who had maintained a neo-nazi website was arrested stalking around a public park with an automatic weapon. Think that story would get much coverage? It would be on the front page of every local paper for days, and RIGHTFULLY SO.

Double standards are fun.
Yep. (h/t: Power Line)

ADRENALINE DODGE = TEH SUCK - Finally got past the T. Rex boss fight in Tomb Ho Anniversary last night after getting the hang of the new Adrenaline Dodge maneuver that replaced the cool bullet time kickoff effect from Tomb Ho Legend. I got so frustrated that I started checking online to see if others were having a problem with it. (Others were.)

The big problem is that despite being a Games For Windows title - which requires out-of-box support for the 360 gamepad - the buttons when using the pad aren't identified; all the commands are as if you're using a mouse and keyboard. Lame. Marvel Ultimate Alliance and Bioshock (I believe) change according to the control method - so should this.

ADD GLOBAL WARMING ALONG WITH POLITICS AND RELIGION TO THE LIST of topics you don't discuss in polite company. I was surprised to get a message at MySpace from an old co-worker whom I'd lost touch with after changing jobs. While I was catching her up about what was happening with my mother and the insane situation so many people are (and will) face with regards to paying for it I made the observation that no one seems to be too aroused by this real problem, but they're in a full-blown Apocalyptic tizzy over mythical man-made global warming.

Uh-oh. She was a Believer. And like most Believers, generally disinterested in the real inconvenient truths with regard to her religious faith. The best part was when she disqualified Michael Crichton's comments because he was just a silly M.D. who writes books and creates TV series and wasn't an environmental scientist who preached the true faith as received from the Goreacle.

Perhaps she'll Google the Medieval Warm Period, the Little Ice Age, and wonder how it is that the planet used to be a tropical environment awash in vegetation and dinosaurs AND covered in hemispheric glaciers without the presence of - much less influence from - the accursed human race.

I'm not holding my breath.

DIRK'S DISH DU JOUR - I have this as my wallpaper at home, so enjoy MAW (model-actress-whatever) Kelly Brook.

While the obvious babealiciousness is obvious, the photographer in me marvels at just how much flash power must've been necessary to make that picture.

What Happens When You Hassle A Liberal?

You get beat down, tasered and arrested like this...

The round-up is at Malkin's Haus o' Style, but it appears that this tool was being rude to John Francois Kerry (D-France) and unlike conservative speakers like Ann Coulter, instead of allowing the speakers to be harassed (or have pies thrown at them), the authorities rushed in to manhandle the twit, Mayor Daley-style.

This is in keeping with traditional fascistic liberal policies regarding dissenting speech as we saw when the psychopathic Al Franken violently attacked someone who dared exercise their First Amendment rights in a manner which Laughin' Al disapproved of in 2004; earning the protester the privilege of being body-slammed by the former cokehead SNL writer-cum-Senatorial wannabe. Meanwhile, physical attacks upon conservatives will continue unabated.


UPDATE: Kerry, who droned on oblivious to the distress of a citizen belatedly released a statement condemning the tasing - actually, I think he was zapped with a stun gun, not a proper Taser, which is a gun the fires darts trailing wires that deliver the shock - prompting one wag to observe that "he was for tasing before he was against it." Every conservative talk show I heard played clips, but the best context for this dolt may be found in this classic Monty Python bit.

Indeed! (I need to dig my copy out and give it a watch.)

Monday, September 17, 2007

Monday Morning Coffee

DIRK® MINI-REVIEWS IT FOR YOU: LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD - Better than expected sequel that will be more enjoyable if you haven't seen the trailers or online previews which give away every single major action beat and wisecrack. Willis wears John McLain like a broken-in leather jacket and the Mac kid wasn't as annoying as he is in the Apple ads. The story is convoluted, the villain poorly motivated, and the "yeah, right" moments a little too yeah-righty, but stuff blows up real good, Maggie Q is hot, and it's a good popcorn flick. Score: 7/10 - See it at the dollar show.

DIRK® MINI-REVIEWS IT FOR YOU: AB-NORMAL BEAUTY - Another disappointing mess from Oxide Pang whose "The Eye" (currently being Americanized and remade with Jessica Alba in the lead) was a decent J-horror flick. In this one, a cute Hong Hong art student becomes obsessed with photographing death, much to the disgust of her (implied) lesbian girlfriend and the nerdy film student who stalks and obsesses about her. Weird for weird's sake, it takes a crazy left turn into "Saw" country and the final revelation is craptacular. It has a mood and a look and the girls are cute - though the fact that the actresses are sisters (they don't look alike and I was surprised to learn this) kills any hoped-for hot girl-girl action - but the story goes nowhere and makes little sense. Score: 3/10 - Catch it if it's on cable.

DUBYA BENDS OVER FOR HIS ENEMIES AGAIN - Instead of picking Ted Olson to replace the lame-o Alberto "VO5" Gonzales as Attorney General, Dubya can't find the stones to say "bring it on" to the fascist Dems who have already started Borking Olson, so he's picked some retired judge named Michael Mukasey is is suspect simple because Chuckie Schumer hasn't smeared him yet. Dubya is a coward and a punk. Can't wait for him to be gone.

HAVE THE DEMS ALREADY LOST IN 2008? - Last week's disgusting smear ad by Can'tMoveOn.Argh against Gen. Patreaus that was NOT repudiated by the surrender and appeasement Dems wishing to be Commander-in-Chief sharply illustrates the lousy choice Americans have in next year's Presidential election. On the Stupid Party side are a bunch of warm beer "moderates" who are willing to pay lip service to fighting Islamofascism and on the Dem side are a pack of appeasers and traitors.

That the Dems can't even bring themselves to say, "Dubya has fought the war the wrong way; we'll fight it the right way." even if that would be insincere says everything we need to know about their disqualifications to hold power. "The war is lost." sends a message of weakness, aid and comfort to our enemies but the Dems don't care as long as it means political damage to Dubya. These Democrats aren't Americans. They are traitors. Since no one is going to round them up for their treasons, the best we can hope for is that the People wake the fook up and not continue voting for them. (Yeah, that's gonna happen.)

THE JUICE AIN'T LOOSE (YET) - So the double-murdering O.J. Simpson is in jail for robbery in Vegas. Yeah, it's like busting Capone for tax evasion, but it's a start.

APPLE BATTERY UPDATE - The battery crapped out after about 20 hours, but after recharging it and using it for 2.5-3 hours over the weekend, the battery gauge on the main screen shows it as being full, though the clock/battery gauge screen shows some drain. Stay tuned.

RETHINKING JESSICA ALBA'S THESPIAN SKILLS? - While trying to track down some weird behavior by my new DVD deck, I popped in the first disc of "Dark Angel" - the series that made her a star - and she didn't seem as lame, though I'm not about to retract my criticisms yet. I'd blocked out all the lame supporting characters at the Jam Pony office, too. The show always wavered in its makeup and got strangled by Fox (who else) before it could stabilize, though they did give it two complete seasons. (Co-creator James Cameron ignored it until it was too late.) It had more of a chance than "Firefly" had.

DIRK'S DISHES DU JOUR - Since they were the best part of "Ab-Normal Beauty", I give you Rosanne and Race Wong.

Cute! Read a little more about them at "Know your PreFab Cantopop Bands."

Friday, September 14, 2007

Friday Morning Coffee

APPLE BATTERY WOES? - The 80GB iPod Classic is advertised to have a 30 hours audio play time but it appears I'll be lucky to get HALF that much. After only a couple of hours of play on an overnight charge - it's supposed to fully charge in 4 hours and it was on the dock for about 10 hours - the battery gauge was already down to 3/4. I've been running it on shuffle play for the past 12.5 hours (at this writing) and it's down to about 20%. I forgot to bring the AC adapter so when it dies in the middle of this afternoon, I'll be back to listening to the radio until I get home. Oh, bother.

My first iPod had a crap battery, too. I remember having to send it in for replacement right off the bat when I found the battery was only lasting about three hours (IIRC) back when they were supposed to last 12 hours. What a pain.

JIHADIST IN MY BACK YARD - Less than three miles from my workplace in Dearbornistan a practitioner of what Dubya inanely (and insanely) calls "a religion of peace and love" was arrested in a park with an AK-47 while wearing black clothes and camouflage facepaint. Hit the link to see the reporting of what will surely be swept under the rug as a "lone nut" and not someone consumed by a poisonous and murderous ideology.

I see that this guy was a third-year medical student; aren't jihadists motivated by poverty and desperation? That's what they tell us even though some of the 9/11 highjackers were engineers, the latest bombers in the UK were doctors as is Al Queda's #2 goon. No, the only reason people want to kill us is because of Israel and Evil Capitalist Corporations. Pffft.


1. Have you ever run away?

No. Does avoidance count?

2. What is the longest you've dated someone?

15 years.

3. What don't you like to think about?

All the problems in my life.

4. What was your last illness?

I guess a cold or something earlier this year.

5. Do you like to get revenge?

Look who you are asking.

DIRK'S DISH DU JOUR - Because you can never have too much Elisha Cuthbert!

It's too small to see here, but in the fine print at the bottom it says that "The Quiet" and "Captivity" would be in theaters in summer 2006. Did the latter get shelved for a whole year? I know there was a stink about their billboards in L.A., but if they waited a year to release, they missed the whole heyday of the torture horror genre. Clean out your desks, you losers in Marketing!

NEWS I CAN'T USE DEPT. - I was talking with Hermione last night and she said, "Bad news. Jessica Alba's off the market. She's back with Cash." I replied, "Oh, like I was just poised to make my move." If only...

BTW, the ads for "Good Luck Chuck", her new movie with Dane Cook look like she's going to try to do some pratfall comedy. Oddly, this may work for her. We'll see.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

The Hottie Thespian Series: Elisha Cuthbert

Last week I had an item discussing the relative merits of Alyssa Milano and Jessica Alba on the front that they're rarely judged by: their acting skills. For those too lazy to click, the crux was that Alba was pretty, but showed little acting abilities; Milano was not only willing to do nudity, but could actually act enough to make it more than just a flesh fair.

The purpose of the Hottie Thespian Series (pat. pend.) is to discuss the overlooked talents of beautiful actresses who don't get their due because people hate them because they're beautiful. And to post hot pictures of them, too! Usually they have to de-glam themselves to get noticed (e.g. Halle Berry, Charlize Theron, Nicole Kidman), but what we'll try to do is focus on the performances they give while still looking purdy.

Our first contestant is Elisha Cuthbert who starts off at a disadvantage because she came to prominence by playing Kim Bauer on "24", who started off the whole series by sneaking out of the house and being a distraction to her father, uber-hardcore mack daddy Jack Bauer.

By the time the day was done, her poor mother, who had to look for her ended up having to schtup a terrorist to protect her daughter virtue, getting amnesia, and eventually shot to death by Jack's terrorist ex-girlfriend/CTU mole. Yeah, she looked hot in her cheerleader t-shirt, but what a twit she was.

Her ignominy grew in the second season when she got got in a leg trap and menaced by a mountain lion, considered a low point for the show until the dreadful sixth season happened. Mysteriously, the producers thought we were supposed to accept that this bimbette was qualified to work at CTU, but considering the mole-du-jour plotting for the show, why not? When she was last seen in Season Five, she was shacked up with her therapist and a total bitch to Jack, blaming him for her mother's death. Uh......wrong.

Her first big movie was "The Girl Next Door" in which she played a high school student with a dark past as a porno actress - yeah, I know that she should've been too old for high school and not been Traci Lords, if you follow - and while it was regarded as a "Risky Business"-ish teen comedy, there was some nuances to her performance as a damaged girl who knew that men expected her to behave in real life as she did in her films.

But the real showcase for her was the weird, creepy art house flick, "The Quiet" (DVD review here) in which she plays a high school hottie (a stretch) who is being molested by her father and she is of a decidedly mixed mind about it. The review mentions the scene where she reveals her secret to another girl and that's what I was thinking when I watched the movie - Elisha's got some chops, but will she get to showcase them?

Her last film, the torture horror flick "Captivity", flopped at the box office, but the whole genre seems to have run it's course as "Hostel 2" also bricked despite actually garnering some decent reviews. (If "Saw 4" fails at Halloween, that will pretty much put the button on this ugly genre.) To blame Cuthbert isn't fair, though her turn in the "House of Wax" remake should've counted for something unless teen fans don't care about her.

Coming this fall is "He Was A Quiet Man" which puts her across from Christian Slater (who looks like he's trying to reclaim some acting cred) and William H. Macy. Here's the trailer:

Dark hair? Check. Paralyzed? Yep. Serious ACTING? Could be!!! The movie looks a little predictable and showy, but at least it's not another three-quel.

Finally, what does this picture make you think of?

When is "They Call Me Blondie: The Deborah Harry Story" going into production?

Finally, I was discussing with some comic book store clerk about how wrong it was that Jessica Alba was now wearing creepy blue contact lenses in the second "Fantastic Four" and suggested that they should've cast a natural blond like Elisha instead. He replied that she would've looked like how Jack Kirby drew Sue Storm. So, why didn't they cast the role properly? (Not that the movies would've have been mediocre to downright sucky with a different cast.)

UPDATE: Bonus pictures!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Who Actually Toasts Pop-Tarts?

I found some chocolate Pop-Tarts here at work and as I was nibbling them just now, it occurred to me that I NEVER have them warmed in the toaster as they're designed to be prepared. I'm sure I've had them warmed once or twice in my lifetime, but I wouldn't even think to find a heating device nowadays. Anyone else cook their Pop-Tarts? Beuller? Beuller?

iPod Classic Hands-On Impressions/Mini-Review

I've been rolling with a 40GB 4G monochrome iPod for about three years now and have been bumping up against it's space limits lately and have been looking to upgrade once the sixth-generation units came out. I was hoping for a touchscreen widescreen unit - which arrived in the form of the iPod Touch - but as I mentioned below, it's too expensive and much too small in capacity, so I went with an 80GB iPod Classic.

I thought I'd get a 160GB model, but decided I didn't need that much space and saved the Benjamin. The first surprise was how small the box was - about the size of a thick paperback book. Apple used to include an AC adapter and dock, but now they'll sell these to you for $78, and their omission means a smaller box. (I didn't take photos of my ritualistically unpacking, so you'll just have to go to one of the other 37,000 sites out there with galleries of the Apple fruits fetishing their new toys.) The iPod is on top of a tray which you pull out to get an elegant folder containing the sparse (and useless) instructions. A sealed packet with the earbuds, the USB cable and a plastic piece that I guess adapts for a different dock than the one I have is on the bottom of the box. The Classic fit fine in my existing dock despite being about half as thick.

That's the first surprise of the Classic: It's damn small! I'd seen the 5G video units and noted they were smaller, but this is crazy. Combined with the larger display, my trusty neoprene case/clip doesn't fit. Drat. The click wheel is also a hair smaller and the button is recessed instead of being an outtie and I'm finding it hard to precisely and quickly scroll the darn thing with my large, manly hands. That's a minus.

The screen is gorgeous. Using an LED backlight, it's bright and clear and accurately shows the lousy compression that CloneDVD applied to its rip of my DVD of "The Animatrix". Perhaps a higher bit rate will fair better, but at least it shows that the screen will notice corner-cutting. (BTW: The 1:40 title compressed down to ~480MB.)

The largest problem I ran into was the fact that my old iPod somehow had more stuff on it than showed up in the library meaning that if I just synced the new one, I'd have less content than I had. Using the instructions here I copied the music off the old iPod and imported it to iTunes. Unfortunately, as I suspected may happen, this now meant I had duplicate tracks for almost my entire collection and had to MANUALLY delete the dupes; a not-very-fun 2-1/2-hour-long process. [sigh] Once cleaned up, it was about another hour or so to drag the 9500+ songs over to the new iPod.

In addition to the iffy touch response and lack of accessories, the other gouge is how the "80GB" unit only has 74.3GB of usable space after formatting - a 7% loss - and while this is nowhere near the 35% shrinkage of the Xbox 360's 20GB HD space, it's still annoying. Even with a bunch of Strong Bad video podcasts and "The Animatrix", I'm only at 41.2GB used, so I'm feeling good about going with the smaller unit.

When the iPod was introduced six years ago at price points of $399 and $499 for 5GB and 10GB respectively, I loved the idea of the gadget, but hated the inflated price Lord Jobs' Apple commanded for it. I argued that it needed to come down to a commodity price and for the past couple of years, it's made some good moves, but now it's really at a price point that can't be ignored and it's a slick bit of kit to boot. (If you don't have a lot of music, then check out the 4GB Nano for $149 for it has a nice screen, too.)

• Nice display and interface
• Thin and new metal front is solid
• Good value

• Fidgety touch wheel
• No accessories included
• Apple users are still jerks


Note: The battery life is supposed to be 30 hours for audio and 5 hours for video playback, but since I just got it, I'll have to update later with real-world observations.

UPDATE: Uh-oh. While the iLounge review said that battery life was better than advertised, it appears that I've got a bum unit as the battery gauge is showing 2/3rds full after only a couple of hours of play. My first iPod (a 2G bought cheap when the 3Gs were introduced - look up the date yourselves) had a crap battery that died after only a couple of hours and right now I'm doing a drain test to see if I just got screwed my Apple again. Yeah, the warranty will cover it, but what a PITMFA. Stay tuned.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Protesting War By Killing Innocent Civilians

How crazy are the unhinged whack jobs who are so consumed with hatred for America defending itself against Islamofascist aggression? They'll murder a student who was just waiting for a train.

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands (AP) - A U.S. citizen has confessed to using an axe to kill a Dutch student after failing to find a soldier to attack, his lawyer said Tuesday.

The suspect, Carlos Hartmann, 41, of Tecumseh, Mich., has confessed to the Sept. 8 killing on a train platform in the southern city of Roosendaal, defence lawyer Peter Gremmen said.

Gremmen said Hartmann wanted to punish the Netherlands for its support of the war in Iraq.

Hartmann appeared before a judge Tuesday and was ordered held for another two weeks for investigation.

"He hates soldiers, and says that the army kills people, so it would be legitimate if he were also to kill someone . . . from the American military - or from its NATO allies," Gremmen said in a telephone interview.

When he failed to find a soldier at the Roosendaal train station, "he got such a crazy, disturbed idea that he killed a civilian," Gremmen said.

Hartmann did not attempt to escape and was arrested shortly after the killing.
Nothing says "We must have peace!" like random violence against defenseless civilians. Talk about irony-deficiency! Why do I know that in the extreme Left, the only regret they have is that he wasn't able to kill a soldier as he wanted.

The greater irony? Our soliders are fighting and dying to protect the safety of these f*cktards. How's that for ingratitude?

Monday, September 10, 2007

The iPhone Is Dead! Live Live The ZunePhone!

Appropos of the last post, here is a sneak peek of Micro$oft's (you see what I did there?) killer gizmo!

(h/t: TWiT, PC World)

Steve Jobs Ganks Apple Chumps!

Oh, I'm loving this one because I've constantly been pointing out that Apple users are some of the stupidest life forms on the planet. (Only dog owners are dumber.) Last Wednesday, Apple cult leader/God-Emperor Steve Jobs rolled out the new line of iPods, many of which are quite snazzy. The widescreen touchscreen player everyone wanted came out as the iPod Touch which is basically an iPhone without the crappy phone part. Unfortunately, it's a flash-based unit that costs too much compared to the hard drive-based iPods, so it's a no go for me. I would've picked up one of the black 160GB Ipod Classics yesterday if stupid Beast Buy had it in stock.

But, what was the bestest news of the day was that Apple was slashing the price of the iPhone $200 a mere 69 days after legions of self-important schmucks waited hours in line to obtain one of these hyped devices. Prices always drop on tech: My first iPod, a 10GB 2G unit was $320; my second, a 40GB 4G monochrome was $380; now I'm going to get one that's four times the capacity as well as capable of doing video on its spiffy color screen for roughly the same price. However, these are price drops/feature increases spread over five years, not a one-third price cut two months on. The best headling was this ZD Net blog's: Apple rewards iPhone beta testers with $200 early buyer penalty.

While Lord Jobs quickly tried a backpedal by offering refunds of the difference for those who'd bought in the prior two weeks and a $100 credit for future Apple store purchases, it still doesn't change the fact that the arrogant bastard kicked his most faithful sheep straight in the nuts. But, for all their squawking, how many Apple sheep are going to stop worshipping the man and company who sheared them? [crickets]

My first thought after laughing my ass off at these victims of their own snobbery was ,"I can't wait to hear what Dvorak says about this on TWiT." The podcast is up here and the lead story was exactly this and Dvorak opined that this was Jobs just trying to prove what suckers the fanboys are. He went on to say that Apple must be panicking over the dropoff in sales after the herd gulped down their purchases in the first few days, leaving few sane people interested in a phone that will cost over $2000 over the term of the contract. It helps that the iPhone has been unlocked allowing usage with any network, not just AT&T, but still, yikes. Host Leo Laporte poo-pooed the outrage, but he's a blind Apple fanboy, so apply the requisite amount of sodium chloride to his comments. The show is streamable from the link, so take a listen to the first 15 minutes. (It's a great show, too. I subscribe to it and so should you.)

DOA Tech

No, this isn't about the evil company referenced in the "Dead Or Alive" games, but my misfortune in buying a Logitech Harmony 720 remote control from Costco. To cut to the punchline, the damn battery wouldn't charge and I've got to take it back. Dead right out of the brand new box. I found posts on the Harmony support forums that indicate this isn't a unique occurrence either. Pffft. Glad I didn't drive 50 miles out of my way or order from online. I use a Logitech mouse and have a kicking set of 5.1 surround speakers on my PC by them, but this is some piss-poor quality control, I must say. The sad part is that I had picked up a remote from the stack in the store and put it back in favor of another copy because the blister pack was scratched. Sheesh. I'll bet that one would've worked.

UPDATE: Exchanged it and the moment I popped the battery pack into the new one, it showed signs of life. I thought it odd that a battery would ship with no juice whatsoever.

Iron Man Trailer = Teh Nerdgasm!

This looks DOPE, yo!

Don't Call It A Comeback!

The voluptuous horror that is Britney Spears torpedoed her putative comeback at the MTV Video Music Awards last night. (Who knew they showed videos on that channel?) As much as we love our schadenfreude at celebrities, this is still pretty sad to witness.

Who knew that that Christina Aguilera would turn out to be the respectable Mouskabimbo and K.Fed would be the responsible parent? Go figure.

UPDATE: This article ponders whether it's mean to pick on her not looking as hot as she did when she was 20 and unspoiled by delivering Irish twins. I don't think she look that bad, though a more figure-flattering corset may've been advisable. If she had come out and performed with some alacrity, then no one would be picking on her pooch; it's because she sandbagged the performance that caused the knives to come out.

Spice Girls Reunion - Sharia Style!

First it was Gwen bowing in dhimmitude, so can this be far behind?

(h/t: The Corner)

Friday, September 07, 2007

Friday Morning Coffee

Let's see if I can actually finish one of these and keep it short.

SLOW NEWS DAY, MATT AND SEAN? - Drudge has this picture...

...with this breathless copy:

Fri Sep 07 2007 07:48:23 ET


As former Vice President Al Gore waits to hear if he has won this year's Nobel Peace Prize for his tireless effort on climate change, a new video will air this weekend capturing Gore on a fuel-guzzling private jet!

FOXNEWS host Sean Hannity is set to unleash the damning video this Sunday night, network sources reveal.

In other words: "Dog bites man; claims to be vegan." Yawn. This is news how?

WALK, FRED, WALK! - Laid-back bloke/actor Fred Thompson culminates 6 months of teasing with the announcement he will be running for President. Again, yawn. You know who have got to be a bit cheesed off by this? The actors who appeared in episodes of "Law & Order" that featured the Tennessee tornado because with those episodes now in the vaults until next November (or whenever Fred's done playing around) due to a tortured idea of what equal time means - the same happened with Ahnuld - they won't be earning residuals.

FRIDAY FIVERS: Only a couple today.

1. Who never returns your phone calls?

Who would I be calling?

2. What was your favorite childhood toy?


3. Who is the last person you greeted at your door?

No one.

4. Who do you need?

Hermione. (Shhhh, don't tell her.)

5. Do you break hearts or do you have your heart broken?

Both. And neither.


1. At the end of today, do you think you'll feel spent or refreshed?

Freshly respent.

2. Do you like back rubs?


3. When did you last mislead someone?

It depends on what your definition if "did" is.

4. What color are your eyes?


5. Friday fill-in: Lastly, let me know ___.

"...if you're planning on filing charges."

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Wednesday Morning Coffee

I just saw that I started one of these three weeks ago and never finished it and posted it. Karl Rove isn't news-worthy anymore, is he? Oh, well....

RESOLVED: ALYSSA MILANO IS A BETTER ACTRESS THAN JESSICA ALBA - I've posted before that despite Alba being a smoking hottie who always looks classy on the red carpet, seems like a genuinely nice person and has managed to avoid self-destructing like Lindsey Lohan, she hasn't given any evidence of being able to act a lick. She tries, but never really attains any level of credibility. OTOH, Milano isn't really known as a thespian - that means she acts, not that she digs chicks - but based on one scene in the cheesy smut horror flick "Embrace of the Vampire", she exhibits more range in a few moments than Alba has in her entire career.

For those unfamiliar with the flick, it's about....oh, who cares? It's the film where 90% of the celebrity skin frame grabs of Milano came from. It's worth a look if you're into former sitcom stars grown up. Anyhoo, in one scene, Milano's mousy co-ed is tentatively seduced by Charlotte Lewis, who is photographing her using a magical camera without a minimum focusing distance. As Lewis strips off Milano's clothes, Alyssa's face flickers all sorts of conflicting emotions, any three of which are two more than Alba has exhibited. You can see 15 seconds of the scene here (definitely NSFW!!!) and when you watch it the second time, take a look at her face.

THIS IS PROGRESS? - I picked up a new HD DVD deck last week - Toshiba's flagship HD-XA2 which has been hailed for its exceptional handling of standard DVDs. Well, the picture is quite nice, but there are a few niggling - look it up; it's not racist, you tools - problems with it, most notable that the damn thing can't resume after being turned off; i.e. if you stop in mid-movie, when you start again, you'll need to chapter-skip and fast-forward to where you stopped. This is unbelievable and I've been tearing up the the AVS forums with missives, of which this is typical:

If after 8 months and firmware updates from 1.0 to 2.2, the fact that they haven't added this core usability feature, something so basic as to be incomprehensible that it would be left out, I seriously doubt Toshiba will be patching it in. Perhaps this will be the killer feature of the A35?

This is absolutely inexcusable, especially when the HD DVD specification stipulates that all HD DVD players must have at least 128 MB of built-in flash memory. This is optionally expandable and is used to store downloaded content (e.g. trailers, games, additional advanced applications) or information about the viewer’s HD DVD collection – favorite bookmarks, high scores, frame grabs of video etc. (Source) They have memory for storing HD DVD bookmarks, but not simple "here's where we left off" points?!?!?!? Are you freaking kidding me?!?!?

Last night, while watching "Stranger Than Fiction" (SD), the XA2 froze up when I tried to access a featurette and after it had been sitting at the features menu for about an hour, while I'd flipped over to watch some TV, it refused to eject the disk. Both times I had to hold the power button down to shut it off and then reboot. Both times, my g/f is looking at me with that "So, how is this an improvement?" look that's hard to refute.

A long time ago, I read an article about Jaguar owners who loved their cars and put up with annoyances like them not wanting to start on rainy days due to traditionally shoddy British electrical systems. They thought it was part of the charm. I thought, "If you owned an $8000 Ford Escort," - I said it was a long time ago - "you would be calling it a lemon and cursing the maker, but since it's a $40,000 luxury sports car, you're willing to put up with it and consider it part of being a satisfied customer?"

Hermione called last night to say that she was watching some movies and she could tell the picture was better, but she hates the remote and thinks the lack of resume is Larry Craig.

SPEAKING OF LARRY CRAIG - What is it about the Stupid Party that they can't even manage to pull off a sex scandal properly? Well, when President Hillary! or Obama surrenders to the Islamofascists, I'm sure our new Taliban masters won't take any chances with the hokey-pokey (left foot in, left foot out) Craig; he'll be beheaded for his homosexuality. Why aren't liberal gays worried about their necks? Do they think they'll be spared by the grateful jihadists for their collaboration as liberals in overthrowing America?

SOVIET-STYLE REVISIONISM ON THE MARCH - Vanity Fair shows their irony-deficiency in their retroactive white-washing of the Goreacle's supposedly unfair coverage during the 2000 Election. Apparently, the Treason Media was too harsh and this noble Savior of Humanity was given a raw deal that unfairly contributed to his defeat.

Gee, do you think Dubya will get a similar reappraisal from the media jackals in 2011 as to how he was smeared and lied about by the Treason Media who was so committed to destroying him that they damaged and endangered the country and its security?

Just kidding! Of course he won't! Had you going there, didn't I?

SPEAKING OF SOVIET BEHAVIOR AND DVDS - Why hasn't the Emmy-nominated miniseries "The Path to 9/11" been released on DVD? The answer is simple to one man:
[T]he miniseries' writer, Cyrus Nowrasteh, believes it's crystal clear: Powerful forces are out to protect Bill Clinton's presidential legacy and shield Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.) from any potential collateral damage in her bid for the White House.

Nowrasteh, also one of the miniseries' many producers, said he was told by a top executive at ABC Studios that "if Hillary weren't running for president, this wouldn't be a problem."
Well, duh, Bub. The Clintons are the belles of Hollywood's balls and the miniseries was given the beatdown for daring to speak Truth about the fecklessness of the Clinton Regime's mishandling of the growing Islamofascist threat during the Nineties. Why do you think Sandy Burglar was stealing documents from the National Archives? To erase history which would reflect poorly on Hillary!'s bogus bona fides about being able to confront the jihad. Duh, again.

BIOSHOCK = TEH SHIZNATCH, YO! If you like shooters and you've got an Xbox 360 or (preferably) a beefy PC, you must check out the supremely atmospheric Bioshock. Of course, "atmospheric" is an ironic word to use for a game set at the bottom of the sea. There is some anti-intellectual backlashing starting to be heard of the "it ain't all that stripe, but ignore them and listen to me: It's one of the best games you'll play this year and it's shaping up to be a great year for games. Join the Cult of Rapture.

DIRK'S DISHES DU JOUR: That's right...TAG TEAM BABES! Even though one's a better actress than the other, that's not to say there isn't room for both of them, ya dig?

See? It's all love here and they've kissed and made up and uh...uh....

I'll be in my bunk.