How Does Dirk Collect Movies?

This is a reply I made to a post on the r/dvdcollection sub at Reddit. If you stumbled over this somehow, please visit my film viewing log/review site Dirkflix.com for more.

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My collecting has evolved over time due to changes in what's been available, physically or digitally.

I got my first DVD by accident in 1999 when my g/f bought it thinking it was the soundtrack CD to Rock 'n' Roll High School because it came in a jewel case. She hadn't even heard of DVD at the time. My second DVD was probably a lot of people's first with The Matrix which was so far ahead of its time with its handling of extras.

At the time standalone players were pricey (like $300+), so I got a DVD drive for my computer which came with a MPEG decoder card because there was no way a single core CPU was going to be able to play it. Unfortunately, the VGA passthru degraded regular video output so badly I was unusable. I eventually got a Pioneer DVD player from Costco for somewhere in the ballpark of $200, maybe $250. Progressive scan, very nice. (Just donated it to a veteran's thrift store last year.)

So collecting movies began with buying movies we'd seen in the theater when they landed on video. We'd comb the Sunday paper ads - remember when information came on paper, kids? - for the new releases coming on Tuesdays. This leads to a in-joke my g/f & I have: "Remember when we paid $17 for the DVD of Original Sin?"

What really helped in the mid-Aughts was I got freelance DVD reviewing gigs with a couple of prominent sites. (One rhymes with Why Be Ben.) They didn't pay (cheap bastards), but I got free DVDs in exchange for spending hours watching them & the extras then writing up full reviews of the films and technical quality of the discs. (One of my A/V critiques is in the Wikipedia entry for that movie.) I did my writing at work during downtime, so I was getting paid somewhat. Occasionally the editor would have some extra discs that I could have without reviewing. If a movie sucked, I'd sell it at the indie record store. (Remember when you could buy physical music for cheap, kids?)

I did over 300 reviews between 2004-2008. I invested in being able to review HD DVD and Blu-rays, but unfortunately right then there was an editor change and he dumped the existing freelancers to have his pals do the reviews. They sucked and pretty much ended the sites utility, but whatever. It was a nice run, but it was a lot of work for no money. I only did it to build a portfolio of published writing in hopes of getting other work and it did until that site's owner decided to just have the community do stuff for free. (Seems to be a theme.)

But the turning point was when video chain stores - hey kids, remember when you could drive to a store that had all the movies on shelves? - started selling their previously viewed titles for cheap. Why pay $15-$20 for a DVD when they were $10, no $8, wait, 2 for $5 used? I used to live a hundred yards from a Blockbuster, so I'd routinely stroll over and see what was new to the PPV shelves or what was in the bargain dump bins. Clerks would tell me when price cuts were coming down from HQ. When used Blu-rays came along, yeah baby! (IIRC my first used BDs were Eyes Wide Shut and Tropic Thunder at something like 2 for $25 at Blockbuster.)

What really filled the shelves was the death of video stores. First was Hollywood Video, then Blockbuster, finally Family Video (I have several posts of my hauls here) as my g/f and I looted their dying corpses. A LOT of blind buys because when they're as cheap as a buck, why not?

But with the exit of store went the best source of cheap movies. I have a Disc Replay near me and hit some 50% off Black Friday sales, but generally not much. There used to be a pawn shop that'd have some good stuff, but they dumped that and focused more on guns. Lots of guns. I see the posts from people scoring at Goodwill, but there are none around me and what places there are (Salvation Army, Value World) are almost solely DVDs. The library is mostly DVDs as well. Meh.

Now I do most of my buying digitally, starting in 2017 when Movies Anywhere started and the Apple TV 4K with Apple's decision to offer free 4K upgrades of titles. Bought one then hit the code-selling sites to snap up non-MA titles for as low as a dollar each. There are sales for $4-$5 4K titles all the time.

Now I know there are the unhinged "streaming looks worse than VHS!" partisans who believe physical or else, but when you are watching a movie once every five years or so or just once, it's impossible to justify the price difference. The Apocalypse Now: Final Cut 4K set is $40 at Amazon; I paid $5 for all three cuts on iTunes in 4K DV. It's missing some of the extras, but I'm OK with that. I still have my sealed The Complete Dossier DVD set which tells you how often I don't watch that movie. (Currently it's $28 on Amazon. I've had it listed for months on Facebook for $10 and no one wants it.)

Is physical better? Sure. Is it many times better? No, and the digital haters need to get a grip. As someone who used to judge A/V quality I'm sensitive to things and the dropoff isn't what the haters say. Audio seems to really benefit from disc. I saw Dune Part 1 the first time on Hobo Max, but when I rewatched it recently off the 4K disc I got from a Redbox for $4, the sound was so heavy that a light tree that sits on my Monolith subwoofer fell over!

Nowadays I still get discs when they're on sale like Criterions (latest pickups: After Hours 4K, Hollywood Shuffle, Barry Lyndon, Quadrophenia - last two blind buys) or something like The Warriors release Arrow did with all the cards and stickers as well as the new transfer. I buy movies I really love, though the prices are r-worded. Titanic and the Avatar 1&2 UCEs were $127 at Best Buy and only having a $50 RZ cert to burn made the per-disc cost tolerable.

Aliens is freaking $40, if it's even available, but was $5 on iTunes. While I love the movie and want everything Cameron makes on disc, the controversial changes he made with it, The Abyss, and especially True Lies really makes it hard to shell out for the best quality. Sigh. Hoping for Black Friday sales, but with so few sellers now, where is competition going to come from?

After a quarter century I've got about 3500 discs (1550 BD/4K, rest DVD or HD DVD) and 450 digital titles. (Columbia had a 100 movies for $100 deal which really ran up the count.) I have a lot of everything.

CFE: Act of Valor Makes Liberal Critics Sad In Their Pants.

The Background: Drew McWeeney at HitFix reviewed Act of Valor and simply couldn't restrain his liberal knees from jerking. (My review is here.) This prompted the following comment:

I saw a screening of Act of Valor in early December and found it to be an odd mix of superawesomeincredible action and painfully stilted melodrama. Using real SEALs made the action feel hella more authentic than pampered Hollyweird stars who've had a few days of "boot camp" training with Dale Dye would deliver, but the plot parts suffered from tired tropes (e.g. if you can't immediately spot which one has the call sign of "Dead Meat", you've never seen a movie) delivered by earnest warriors with the looks and acting skills of Peyton Manning. I tried to imagine how it would've played with all real actors or more of a pseudo-documentary "found footage" execution and couldn't decide which would've been better. (It's like how Clerks probably wouldn't have worked as well with real actors as Mallrats showed.)

However, the movie is the latest political football for hyper-liberal commentators to get their hate on for the military, war in general, and "BUSHITLER! WAR FOR OIL! LIES!!!" The Huffington Post has been wringing their dainty hands over the idea that our soldiers be portrayed as anything but the raping killers (as seen in Redacted), duped victims of corporatist war (e.g. Lions For Lambs), damaged thrill jockeys (Hurt Locker), and/or ticking time bombs threatening civilians back home (In the Valley of Elah) they imagine soldiers as being, not that they actually would deign to know any real soldiers. War is bad, mmmkay, and anyone in the military is either a fascist skinhead warmonger or a poor exploited minority. Right. (It's ironic that the same people who are hating on this movie are cheering Obama for "getting bin Laden" and on the night of the State of the Union a month ago, SEALs were rescuing an American held hostage by Somali pirates in a manner similar to a rescue dramatized in this very movie.)

On the other hand, conservative pundits are wildly overpraising Act of Valor as the greatest thing since film stocks moved from nitrate to acetate bases. It's easy to understand why: When the only positive depictions of the military to counter the narrative detailed in the previous paragraph seems to show up when we're fighting robots or aliens. (Not that Battle: Los Angeles was roundly bashed for being too pro-soldier, cuz we all know they're crazed Nazi timebombs rapist murderers.) Act of Valor isn't as great as the Right says and as terrible as the Left wants to smear it.

Drew's review is revealing in how allergic he is to values that exist outside of the Hollyweird bubble of liberal secular humanism. For someone so close to the movie BUSINESS as he is, he seems deeply offended that there are Christian (gasp!) and pro-military (to the fainting couch!) filmmakers who aren't militantly dedicated to offending the Flyover rubes who watch NASCAR and drink domestic beer and are actually making a buck doing so. I'm sure it's due to his deeply-held beliefs and not just because he lives and works in an industry where political affiliations are literally make or break for one's livelihood. However, reviews like this one with its, "Can you believe there are morons who fall for this stuff?", tone indicates that he can't even imagine anyone who doesn't align with his personal views being here and reading and if there are, they should have their incorrect thinking slapped around.

I've never understood why Hollyweird has chosen insult their customers and hand each other trophies for movies the unwashed rabble have no interest in seeing when there are piles of money for the taking if only they could mask their utter contempt for the paying customers. The self-anointed enlightened liberal elites can't stop vomiting over the success of movies like The Blind Side - let's not even mention a certain movie that Mel Gibson made which sits at #17 of the all-time domestic chart - but I can give you 309 million reasons they're fooling themselves. The denizens of Hollyweird doesn't need to actually become conservative or practice any of those archaic Judeo-Christian values in their own lives; they just need to stop screaming, "WE HATE YOU PEOPLE AND ALL YOUR STUPID BELIEFS!!!", with their movies. Stop insulting the customers and they'll give you money. Just fake it and take it. Is that too hard?

The commercial success or failure of the film is going to be spun by each side. If it flops, liberals will crow that it's because it was a terrible movie and if it succeeds, they'll dismiss it as being red meat for Red State bubbas who are terrible people. Conservatives will say....aw, who cares what THOSE PEOPLE think, right?

The polarization is even effecting evaluation of the most impressive and least political part of the movie, its look. Shot mostly on HDSLRs (Canon 5D MkII and 7D), it looks SLICK - Michael Bay slick. The HDSLR has been the indie filmmakers best friend since the Canon XL1, but it's typically been used for shakycam mumblecore stuff, not Big Action Movies and if I hadn't been tipped by the intro my screening had that HDSLRs were used, I would've been even more stunned by learning that. However, when noted photographer and HDSLR prophet Vince Laforet blogged about how remarkable a technical achievement achievement the film was, his comments section was overrun with comments like this: "Hey.. great another macho film… Yep show it to kids in the school, so they can serve as front line meat again. It seems we’ve had enough of that Vincent. There’s nothing glorifying about these guys." Lovely.

Behind the Stunning FX of Benjamin Button. (Updated & Bumped)

(Note: Originally posted 1/5/09 - bumped to add video)

While I haven't had a chance to toss up the mini-review of "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" yet - Bottom Line: 8/10, see it - I didn't want to wait to share this fascinating tech-speak-heavy article about how the special effects were done that created the titular character. However, if you haven't seen the film yet, DO NOT READ THIS or look at the pictures because it will blow the surprise. See the movie, THEN read the article.

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UPDATE: The film quite rightly won the Oscar for Best Visual Effects and this talk from TED.com shows in a fast-moving 18 minutes some of how they did it. Enjoy.

Oscars 2009 Running Commentary.

C&Ped from the original posting elsewhere:

• For the first time in I think ever, I've actually seen all five Best Picture and most of the acting nominees BEFORE the Oscar show. That The Wrestler and Dark Knight aren't in the mix while the muddled and mediocre The Reader and glorified TV movie Frost/Nixon are occupying slots is ridiculous.
• Also ridiculous is the one-strap gowns all these women are wearing. WTF is Amy Adams wearing around her neck?!? Nice dress, terrible necklace.
• I'm wondering who's gonna get more shout outs: God or Obama?
• Mickey Rourke has a picture of his dead dog on his necklace. Sean Penn should drop out for this alone.
• Hermione is screaming, “No color! No color!”, at the drab bedsheets and neutral colors on parade.
• Ugh, Marissa Tomei’s dress is awful. TAKE IT OFF NOW!
• Wow. Glitzy crystal curtain. I need to get one of those for the tool shed.
• Cute opening number. Craig’s List Dancers! Yummy Girl sings too! Nice dig at The Reader.
• Well, after only 12 minutes of high energy fun, they’re already boring us with montages.
• Hmmm….not sure if I dig this gang nominee reader thing. Shouldn’t Tilda (and whoever comes next) get the spotlight herself? Jeez, can’t we get some clips instead of the tribute speeches. Awful, simply awful. Funny Whoopi line, but I’d rather see clips.
• The only category where there were five solid contenders and some question as to who would win still ended up predictably. Cruz is a fine choice, though I was rooting for Tomei.
• Funny skit with Steve Martin and Tina Fey about writing that gives a certain cult a kick in the shins. No surprise at the Milk win and no surprise that a lot of Prop 8 subtext was in the speech. Did he just tip off Federal imposition of gay marriage even though Dear Leader has claimed to be against it? Hmmmm….
• Penthouse Cat Dollarnaire gets its first trophy. I wonder if Benjamin Button would’ve been a better choice because it required more spade work to get it on the screen from the source?
• Jennifer Anniston looks like she’s been crying. Must’ve been fun for her to have to stand smack dab in front of Brangelina. Say hi to John Mayer, loser.
• Who is this Japanese guy with the…did he just say ”Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto”?!?!?!? Where was I? Oh, yeah, the French movie title? I’ll have to track this down cuz Presto was a blast and would’ve been my pick.
• OK, I see what they’re doing with the order of categories, so why did they put Best Supporting Actress up first? Shouldn’t all the acting awards be in the middle and the editing, score and special effects awards last?
• Quick! Who just won the Art Direction and Costume Oscars that were won a few minutes ago? Can’t remember? Exactly!!!
• I don’t think Benji Button should’ve gotten Best Makeup because so much of it is CGI, not traditional makeup. Hellboy II should’ve won.
• Nice romance montage.
• We’re an hour in and have handed out eight awards.
• Ben Stiller channels Joaquin Phoenix and sets up the leading contender for Line of the Night: ”You look like you work at a Hassidic meth lab.”
• The inevitability of Penthouse Cat Dollarnaire winning has been sealed with the Cinematography Oscar. Where will the upsets come for the rest of the night? I hear TVs clicking off across America.
• Jeez, WTF was that bedsheet Jessica Biel was wearing? When you’ve got the bodacious curves, why would you cover them unless Justin Timbaland is threatening to go all Chris Brown on you if you don’t hide the badonkadonk.
• KILLER Judd Apatow short with the Pineapple Express guys and Januz Kaminski. Loved the bit with Franco’s kissing scenes from Milk cutting back to him. (He should’ve been nommed for Milk over Josh Brolin.) 2nd best LotN from Januz: ”Suck on that Andrew Dod Mantle!” Rogen cracks up and Franco munching the winner’s name.
• Hermione observes that Jackman’s been MIA while they’ve had comedians presenting most awards.
• Now he’s back doing the musical number that no one axed for. At first, when Bouncy came up, I thought that Queen Latifah sure has trimmed down. OK number, but drags the show out.
• Alan Arkin gets to announce the winner for the 2nd year in the row as Dora the Explorer opts to not show up for the cattle call. WTF is Seymour Philip Hoffman (sic) wearing on his head. Gee, more Prop 8-bashing from Joel Grey. Bore-ring. Walken’s creeping me out. Not a dry eye in the house as Heath Ledger’s family picks up his trophy. Damn shame he couldn’t have done so himself. A damn crying shame.
• Jeez, why didn’t they go to commercial after that moment? To stomp on that poignant moment with the canned Documentary reel was as tone-deaf as an A&R guy.
• Oh, jeez, Bill Maher? Every TV not in 212 and 818 just clicked off. Remember when this asstackler was in movies like D.C. Cab and shows like Hard Knocks? Oh, isn’t he cute pimping his Christianity-bashing film? Hey, Big Brave Man, why not speak out for Geert Wilders, you f*cking coward? Funny how you only bash the religions who won’t hack your empty head off. Pussy.
• Good action montage. Looks like Angelina Jolie was in half the montage.
• Benjamin Button wins Best Visual Effects. Damn right! I smacked down a herd of Comic Book Guys squabbling about Iron Dude vs. Bat Dude over at Gizmodo because while the comic book flicks were fine, BB was something truly extraordinary.
• ”Boom goes the dynamite!” Somewhere a college TV sportscaster wishes he’d trademarked the phrase.
• Why the snippet of “Mr. Blue Sky”?
• Interesting that the Indian sound mixer calls the city Bombay, not the politically correct Mumbai. Hmmmm.
• I hope no one has to call for tech support tomorrow because all the folks answering the phones will be hungover and slurring and more unintelligible than usual.
• How horrible is this tribute to Jerry Lewis gonna be?
• Hey, look, it’s Eddie “I released Norbit in time to blow my Oscar win” Murphy handing out Jerry Lewis’ Jean Hersholt Award. Oh, that’s right, they both did Nutty Professor movies. Jerry looks hella better than the last time I saw him when he was all puffy from steroids when he was going for the home run title.
• I figured out why Hoffman Phillip Seymour is wearing the skullcap: he’s playing the Edge in a U2 biopic.
• I like the way the stage is set up, though the crystal curtain seems to have gone MIA.
• Zac Efron and Alicia Keys – that’s some big-time Hollywood firepower.
• I liked Danny Elfman’s Milk score; a nice jazzy change of pace from his usual circus music.
• I guess it’s safe for the Benjamin Button crowd to head over to the after-party and the bar since they ain’t gonna be picking up anything.
• God just got a mention, so He takes a lead over Obama and Bill Maher has to be stifled from screaming by a beefy Teamster.
• Tonight, the part of Peter Gabriel will be played by John Legend backed by the Paul Simon Singers.
• With M.I.A. MIA, who are the girls covering for her? Also, what’s with the T-Pain effect on his vocals?
• God increases His lead with another mention. Bill Maher has been sedated to prevent him chewing his tongue off.
• Queen Latifah was fine, but when, oh when, are they going to do the Death Parade to the dulcet tones of Jim Carroll? Come on! Sydney Pollack and Paul Newman tie for applause.
• How many commercials is Jeff Bridges going to be doing the voice-overs on?
• Reese “I didn’t deserve my Oscar but I’m not giving it back” Witherspoon is dressed like a hobo. A glitzy hobo, but still a hobo. Was a blue dress not enough, needing the black curtains to be draped over it all?
• Danny Boyle gets an Oscar for making a movie with a script that didn’t collapse in the third act. Learn from it, Bub. You still suck for everything you’ve effed-up before though. (*cough*28 Days Later*cough*Sunshine*cough*Trainspotting*cough*Shallow Grave*cough*)
• Glitzy lineup for the Best Actress presenters. I still miss the clips from the films; that is what they’re winning for after all. Of the nominees, I’ve seen the fewest of these, having only seen Doubt and The Reader. Of the two, I think Streep was a bit better than Winslet, but Kate’s been due for a while. How about one for Glenn Close now? Great moment with her dad whistling.
• Nice that they’ve let the speeches run a little over without cueing the orchestra to stomp on the moments.
• I wonder if Robert DeNiro and Ben Kingsley compared notes about how to squander artistic credibility while chasing paychecks? It’s interesting how they’ve sometimes paired former colleagues like DeNiro toasting Penn and Hopkins introing Pitt.
• Well, politics trumped performance with Penn’s win. “Commie, homo-loving, sons-of-guns”, is precisely how he won. Now, I know the haters here will think that I’m upset because Penn is a disgusting sack of sh*t who can’t suck tyrannical dictators’ d*cks fast enough and should be torn to shreds by rabid badgers, but that’s not the problem. I watched Milk a few nights ago and was quite impressed by his performance, but the next night I watched The Wrestler and Rourke was simply much better. Take Rourke out and Penn would be OK to win, but instead the Pink Mafia and Prop 8 opponents chose to jerk off their politics first on a night that most of the awards have been justified. That Penn outdumped Maher was a foregone conclusion. Bleah. Hollywood just can’t stick their thumbs in the paying customer’s eyes hard enough, can they?
• Slumdog Millionaire, a film that Warner Bros almost dumped straight to DVD, wins Best Picture thus proving William Goldman correct. I think it was a little overrated, but of the nominees, it was my co-favorite.
• Overall it was a decent show. Jackman was charming and a lot of the numbers and bits were entertaining. The tributes from previous acting winners simply didn’t work. Lose ‘em and show clips.
• Overall score: B+

Warner Bros. Statement On That Christian Bale Tape.

Christian Bale's getting a raw deal in the media over his on-set outburst upbraiding a stupid DP who lacked the professionalism it takes to play in the big leagues. EW is trying to make it sound that audiences will abandon him like they did Russell Crowe - they did? - after he threw a cell phone at a hotel clerk. Ummm, not even close, bozos. Crowe physically attacking a civilian is nothing like an actor yelling at some crew jerk. That the morons in the press equate physical and verbal abuse shows how wussy they are. Toughen up, buttercups! Start by losing the John Mayer and Coldplay CDs!

Anyhoo, here's a spokesman for the Bunny Company had to say about the incident:(h/t Hitfix.com)

Darth Vader: Total Dick!

I saw this a while ago, but I stumbled over it again just now and it still makes me smile.

Mickey Rourke Must Not Want An Oscar.

Because he doesn't blame Dubya for everything that's gone wrong in the world and questions England's suicidal coddling of Islomofascist hate-mongers.

"President Bush was in the wrong place at the wrong time, I don't know how anyone could have handled this situation.

"I don't give a f**k who's in office, Bush or whoever, there is no simple solution to this problem... I'm not one of those who blames Bush for everything. This s**t between Christians and Muslims goes back to the Crusades, doesn't it.

"It's too easy to blame everything on one guy. These are unpredictable, dangerous times, and I don't think that anyone really knows quite what to do."

And the star is baffled by the U.K.'s approach to fundamentalists - insisting he was taken aback by the freedom of speech allowed in the U.K.

He explains, "I was in London recently and I couldn't believe all these hate-talking fanatics you have over here who are allowed to carry on doing their thing even when a bus full of women and children gets blown to pieces.

"I know you've deported one or two of them, but it seems crazy. I think there is worse to come, something terrible will happen to either America or the U.K., or France even. I don't think these fundamentalists should be allowed to talk all this crap, and brainwashing these young kids."

I haven't seen The Wrestler yet - Hermione isn't interested in it for some reason - but you can't forget that his current comeback really began with his awesome turn as Marv in Sin City.

Dirk Mini-Reviews 4 More Movies For You!

Been on quite a tear here. Let's get to 'em!

BURN AFTER READING - The Coen Brothers get a ton of slack accorded to them because they've made some decent flicks, but No Country For Old Men was pure airless crap that was only lauded on the basis of the coin toss scene and the line about how long the quarter had been traveling to get there. A Best Picture Oscar for a 4-1/2 minute scene. Pfft. It was better when dubbed as "No Country For Gay Men"!

Anyway, Burn After Reading is a step up in energy, but still as pointless in the end. The big-name, award-winning cast - Clooney, Swinton, Malkovich, McDormand - all play venal dolts of varying levels of stupidity involved in a caper about purloined CIA intelligence and endless fornication. (Not that that's a bad thing, mind you; the boffing, that is.) Dumbest of them all is a hilarious Brad Pitt who is a bright spot as a dim bulb, but all the running around goes nowhere and it's not really worth the time. Go rent an older Coen flick instead. 5/10

VANTANGE POINT - It's Roshomon meets Sha Na Na - not really, just making a funny there - in this supposed thriller about an assassination attempt on the U.S. President in Spain told in looping sequences from the various players....wait for it....vantage points. (Tada!) While there are a couple of cool twists, it ends with absolutely nothing about anyones' motivations explained and never recovers from all the "that would never happen" moments. 4/10

TRANSPORTER 3 - Man, did this franchise catch four flats and a bent rod in this trip. How hard is it to mess up the formula of Jason Statham being badass in his car? Not that hard, it seems as writer Luc Besson comes up with a tired plot involving an annoying and un-hot supposed babe - which Besson apparently cast cuz she gave him a stiffy - and new director Olivier Megaton (AWESOME NAME!) stages the fight scenes rotely and redundantly. (Seriously, two fights play out almost exactly the same.) While the 2nd Transporter flick was dopey with flipping cars and crashing planes, it had some snap to the proceedings including that crazy hot Pink lookalike with the machine guns. Skip this one and rewatch the first two Transporters or watch... 2/10

DEATH RACE - Despite being a remake of the schlocky Seventies Roger Corman flick Death Race 2000 helmed by uber-hack Paul W. S. Anderson and starring Jason Statham as....wait for it....a bald badass race car driver (tada!), this slice of ridiculous ultraviolence works because it doesn't pretend to be about anything more than heavily armed cars crashing into each other and general mayhem. Joan Allen has fun as the evil sexy prison warden orchestrated the races. Totally predictable, but still a small blast worth renting. 7/10

Dirk Mini-Reviews 13 Movies For You!

Just catching up on the backlog, in case you're at your Netflix queue on another browser tab and stumped for what to pick next.

11:14 - Oddball indie with a surprising cast including Patrick Swayze, a seriously drabbed-down Hillary Swank and a awesomely sluttied-up Rachael Leigh Cook with the intertwined events surrounding the titular time shown from multiple points of view. Some of the timing doesn't quite work, especially at the end, but it's goofy enough to breeze by the illogical bits. 7/10

The Dark Knight - You've seen it and already know what you think about it, but it moves even faster on the second viewing and if Heath Ledger doesn't get the Oscar, something is seriously wrong. Get it on Blu-ray if you've got the hardware to play it. 10/10

Eagle Eye - Fast-moving, if ultimately preposterous thriller with Shia LaBeef(sp?) as a guy being bossed around by a omnipotent voice on the phone. (No, not Mr. Moviephone.) When the big secret and plot's endgame are revealed, it may make you want to throw up your hands in dismay, but if you roll with it, it's OK. 7/10

Feast II: Sloppy Seconds - The first Feast was a nifty cult gem borne of the final Project Greenlight competition and the same writers and director come back to continue the story. Unfortunately, this episode is heavy on the spurting monster fluids and light on the wit of the original. I was surprised the same writing team typed this script; I'd thought they been replaced by a Cobb salad or hamsters. Even some late-game biker chick nudity can't salvage this letdown. 4/10

The Gene Generation - If it wasn't for a hot, sweaty Bai Ling in various saucy outfits and a couple of cool, very brief, action bits, this movie is all sorts of lame and stupid. Low-budget and looking it; very poor, Playstation 2 cut scene-looking CGI FX; idiotic plot; poor plotting; bad acting; lame, lame, LAME!

But, boy is Bai Ling hot. I'm tempted to edit this down to just her scenes. Not enough nudity, though. Brief tantalizing moments of pencil eraser nipple glory, but not enough. 3/10

Grizzly Man - Werner Herzog's documentary about a dumb hippie schmuck who goes to Alaska to commune with the grizzly bears and ends up getting torn to pieces and eaten by one is the feel good heart-warming comedy of the year! No, really. This guy is such a grating bonehead, you're rooting for his demise from the first moment you see his dumb, dead ass. 8/10

The House Bunny - Revenge of the Nerds gets a gender swap and a dose of Legally Blonde in this peppy, albeit formulaic, comedy. Anna Faris is bubbly fun as the Playmate-wannabe turned sorority house mother and Emma Stone (also in Superbad and The Rocker) is shaping up to be Lindsey Lohan 2.0, hopefully without having Paris Hilton turn her into a crack whore. 7/10

Lars and the Real Girl - Quirky indie about a odd duck who orders a lifelike sex doll and how a whole town caters to his fantasy could've been a sneering put down of small town folks, but instead comes of a sweet and low key. 7/10

Running Scared - Paul Walker finally doesn't totally suck in this gritty, over-the-top violent tale of a missing gun and a little boy. Directed by Wayne Kramer (not the MC5 gutarist; the director of The Cooler), it feels more like a Joe Carnahan (Narc) movie, but it works out fairly well. 7/10

Step Brothers - Much funnier than I expected with Will Farrell and John C. Reilly basically acting like bratty 10-year-old boys, but they're 40. Rude and crude and it delivers the laughs. Not a classic, but worth a rental. 7/10

Surviving Christmas - My girlfriend told me this wasn't as bad as the Ben Affleck/James Gandolfini vehicle's universal critical drubbing and box office failure would indicate and she was right. It stumbles a bit toward the end as the Formula Police from the studio probably mandated, but it's got some nice acid-tinged humor and good performances. 6/10

Teeth - Indie flick about a teenaged chick who is a virgin and then discovers that she has choppers in her hoohaw, which come in handy during the multiple times Evil Males take advantage of her. A one-gag movie that doesn't really go anywhere, though star Jess Weixler will freak you out with her resemblance to Heather Graham. 5/10

Traitor - Don Cheadle stars as a former American soldier who appears to have joined a radical Muslim terorist group. While the twists and turns were fairly predictable, it's a well-balanced story which will surely disappoint those looking for the usual America-bashing undertones, which is why the reviews were mixed by the usual liberal critics. Check it out. 8/10

Questions For Christopher Nolan

To show off the BD-Live capabilities of "The Dark Knight" Blu-ray disc, evil Warner Brothers is hosting a viewing of the film with director/co-writer Christopher Nolan and as part of the RSVP, you can pre-ask three questions for the chat session. Here's what I tossed in:

1. Was the IMAX camera destroyed shooting the chase on Lower Wacker covered by insurance or did the production have to pay for it outright?

2. Some people believe that The Dark Knight is a veiled defense of George W. Bush and the War on Terror; others think it's a criticism. Which is it? (No link in submitted question; provided for readers here.)

3. With Heath Ledger's passing, does that mean the Joker will never appear in any future Batman movies you make or would you recast the role? If the latter, how about Christian Slater? He could work.

Hopefully, they'll post a chat log of the session that can be read later. If any answers to these questions are provided, I'll update this post.

UPDATE (12/19): Saw a thing on AICN saying it was totally lame and this Gizmodo item concurs with a lot of funny spoofing in the comments. Too bad, but not unexpected.

What's a Five-Letter Word For "Messiah"?

For the NY Times Crossword Puzzle, "OBAMA":

According to the puzzle database maintained by Cruciverb.com, ever since that game-changing day in 2005, OBAMA has appeared regularly as an answer in New York Times crossword puzzles. With its wonderfully convenient alternating series of commonly used vowels and consonants, OBAMA has been the answer to the clues “Senator who wrote ‘Dreams From My Father,’” “Future senator who delivered the 2004 Democratic convention keynote address” and “Presidential candidate born in Hawaii.”

But what about MCCAIN? Shockingly, not once has MCCAIN been an answer in a crossword in the New York Times, The Washington Post or the Los Angeles Times.

A couple years back there was a really good documentary called "Wordplay" about the Times crossword (review here) and one part discussed the puzzle that ran the day of the the 1996 Election where the clue "Tomorrow's headline" could've been answered with both "CLINTON ELECTED" or 'BOBDOLE ELECTED" because all seven crosswords had clues that could be solved with either letter in those spots. If they could pull that off, why can't they fit McCain's name in someplace? Other than bias, I mean. Exactly.

I Am Home Legend Alone!

Decent mash-up with only one questionable shot IMO and a total faceplant on the closing title screen.

Ferris Bueller Requiem For A Day Off

It's well known that editing and music can make or break the mood of a film and this mashup is a good example. It's not your typical "wacky" thing, but still quite cool.

No Country For Gay Men

I thought this movie blew and the only reason it won Oscars and acclaim was for the coin toss scene. Now, that has been dealt with. Heh.


No Country For Gay Men from Lawrence Scaduto on Vimeo.

DIRK™ Reviews It For You: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Just got back from the Midnight showing, so it's time for...

DIRK™ Reviews It For You: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Short Version: The Man in the Hat is back!

Slightly Longer Version: Unless you're looking to hate it, you'll like it.

Many Worded Version: Remember in The Empire Strikes Back when Luke asked Yoda what was in the cave and Yoda replied, "Only what you take with you."? Well, after skimming the laudatory and downright vengeful reviews and seeing it for myself, truer words couldn't apply. Angry nerds who never saw Star Wars in theaters until 1997 and then shrieked that George Lucas "raped their childhoods" two years later have been the worst as they try to nitpick every little thing they can as if they will matter more if they kill the Geek God. F*ck'em - they be hatin'.

Since the "big secrets" have been already leaked all over the place - (invisotexted for the three of you who actually haven't heard) Mutt is Indy Jr. via Marion; aliens are the McGuffin; Red is the new Brown - let's just whip thru what's hawt and what's naught:

First off, it's great to see Harrison Ford back after that pod dude had taken his place for the past, um, long time. If they didn't make a big deal about how he's older at the beginning, it would be easy to forget that he's almost eligible for Social Security. He doesn't phone it in this time; he's a singing, dancing Strip-o-Gram. Welcome back, mack.

Shia LaBeef (sp?) is also very, very good. The Nerd Nation despises him out of jealousy that a guy like him is a movie star while they're hoping at best to be Leeroy Jenkins. Unlike Short Round, you don't want him dead and he's got some tricky poignant moments to play concerning the nature of his relationship with his father figures. He's not ready to wear the hat yet, but perhaps two movies from now.

Cate Blanchett is fun playing Natasha Fatale, but not enough is done with her psychic powers, as in, they don't do anything with them at all. If she actually displayed some abilities, she would be a formidable villain, but as it stands, she's left short by the script. (Between her and Christina Ricci, we should be in for a wave of bob hairstyles, though no one has seen Ricci.) Ray Winstone is also left thinly-written and frankly I half-expected him to belch that he was Beowulf.

John Hurt and Jim Broadbent get better parts but the best is Karen Allen, whom I can't recall a single movie she's been in (if any) since Raiders. I hated Kate Capshaw and Allison Doody (huhuhuhuhuh) is a trivia answer (has she done anything since Last Crusade?) because Marion was always THE GIRL (i.e. like The Man) and she looks good despite being in her mid-50s. The smile is there and you'll wish she had been in the other sequels, too.

Spielberg has been bashed by some for being lazy - one review said that this proves he can direct in his sleep - and that's just not true. I don't know if they're expecting the Spielberg from 25-35 years ago to come thru a wormhole because this guy does just fine. Action scenes are free of shaky-cam and edit-fu hysterics clear in their geography. Spielberg has made so many great movies for so long, we're inured to how easy he makes it look.

The biggest problem is the script by David Koepp. I haven't followed the endless development and various drafts from other writers because it's irrelevant. It doesn't matter if Frank Darabont wrote the greatest script ever or not because we can only judge what we get on the screen NOW. The first act is wobbly as if it's trying to get its legs under it and as a result, it's got too many wisecracks, too much exposition, too much sitting and talking, and too much thematic setup to be comfortable. Once Mutt shows up and the globe-trotting begins, it's pretty much non-stop action until the end when it becomes a matter of "Insert McGuffin here to trigger special effects overload"; it's weak.

Another beef has been the use of CGI effects and this again is more nitpicking. People have complained that there is no sense of danger because we know they're on greenscreen stages, but since when have movies NOT been totally fake? Was there ever a real danger that the hero was going to die in the other films? Action used to be performed in front of obvious rear-projection screens, so why is some darn impressive blending of location footage and CG evil? Oh yeah, that's right, it's Lucas and we just must HATE Lucas. Move on, people. Lighten the f*ck up!

A less obvious, but subliminally problematic factor is the replacement of Douglas Slocombe (who retired after shooting Last Crusade, having shot all three Indys) with Janusz Kaminski, Spielberg's DP for everything he's done since Schindler's List. While the first three films had a warm, golden hue about them, this one has the blown-out silvery bloomed look that gives an icy vibe to the image and causes some dissonance to the viewer; it don't feel right, though most won't be able to put their finger on what's wrong and will blame other factors.

There are a goodly amount of funny gags, some excellent chase scenes and a proper amount of callbacks and touchstones to tickle the faithful without being overly nostalgic. A few of the goofier bits - what's with the CG animals? - are sops to the kiddies because I guess today's 13-year-olds are too ADHDed to be satisfied with what worked for my generation, but again, people who are spitting at this brief moments are just projecting their emo rage at Lucas. Again.

The Bottom Line: Indy 4 (not typing that title again) isn't as good as Last Crusade, but better than the grim Temple of Doom. It doesn't bring any shame to the franchise and if the script had been buffed as shiny as the crystal skulls, it could've been something special instead of something merely very good. If you go in with a chip on your shoulder and your arms crossed like you're from Missouri, then you're probably going to be as dissatisfied as you want to be. If you just go looking for some old-fashioned Saturday matinée fun to munch some popcorn to, then you'll have fun. It'd be cool if they could whip another one of these out in the next couple of years and just blow the doors off instead of trying to build an overly complex Rube Goldberg mousetrap.

Score: 7/10 - See it at a matinée show in a theater.

Dark Side of the Rainbow

You've probably heard about how if you play Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon" album at the same time as "The Wizard of Oz" is running, they synch up, but how many of you have actually tried doing it? Well, now you don't have to dust off the turntable and hook up the VCR because someone has done it for you.



You're welcome.

I just skipped around to random points in the clip and it's pretty freaky how it lines up. I wonder just how stoned and burdened by free time the hippie who discovered this synergy was? "Hey, Dude...let's try 'Master of Puppets' and 'The Yearling' after we're finished with 'The Land of Rape and Honey' and 'The Passion of the Christ'!"

Star Trek: The Sexed Generation

As with any of these mash-ups or montages, I'm always impressed by the amount of work that must've gone into this, but as you will see, this is something extra-special.

"Hand" Solo

Hey, Luke, um, dude...Han's groping your sister.

I...Saw...Iron Man!

DIRK MINI-REVIEWS IT FOR YOU: IRON MAN

Iron Man is the best comic book movie that doesn't have "X-Men" in the title. Briskly-paced, perfectly acted (though Terrance Howard's breathy voice makes him seem wimpy), excellent FX, and a story with ADULT meaning to it and not dumbed-down for the kiddies and toy manufacturers. I thought the villain was able to get away with too much, but overall it ROCKED! Even the usually tubercular-looking Apple's Mama/Free Trade Dude Plooker was attractive and adorable. Stan the Man's cameo is his best yet.

Much, much, MUCH better than the Spider-dork films and a ringing indictment of how they've stupidly squandered the Fantastic Four franchise. The Incredible Hulk trailer still looks like shite, but The Dark Knight looks crazy off the hook - damn, Heath Ledger should be around to take a bow for this, the way it looks - but will probably make less than Iron Man because it's so dark compared to the peppier Iron Dude.

Score: 8.5/10 - Pay full price on a big screen.

In related news, here's a cute spoof with Batman and Iron Man sniping at each other:

Oscars 2008 Running Commentary

From a site that shall remain nameless (to keep the riff-raff away), my running comments on this year's Oscar telecast.

* Lame opening montage.

* Stewart monologue - ”Psychopathic killer Oscar movies”; “his stripper name is Olympia Dukkakis”; “…pick the Democrat you’ll vote for”; “asteroid about to hit”, cut to Spike Lee. Solid set. Grade: B

* I was gonna do the drinking game where you do a shot when they show Jack, but I need to go to work sometime this week.

* Jennifer Garner looks like a girl.

* Why do Costume Design Oscar winners always dress like hobos? Jeez, Hermione thinks Swank looks manly?

* Jeez. In 50 years, they’re going to describing some suave new actor as the “new George Clooney”, aren’t they?

* Props for including the Rob Lowe shot in the montage. Don’t they usually run the filler montages in the middle of the show?

* Anne Hathaway: When bad dresses happen to yummy girls.

* This is the witty banter that we get now that we have the writers back? Is it too late for the strike to restart?

* Katherine Heigl shows how to look like Marilyn Monroe without looking like you’re trying to look like Marilyn Monroe. Hubba-hubba!

* And the shunning of “Norbit” continues.

* How come these people still don’t seem to know where to go after their speeches?

* Wow. Great pipes on Amy Adams, but couldn’t they have found a more whimsical outfit?

* First upset of the evening as The Golden Compass benefits from the vote split between Transformers and Pirates 3 for VFX.

* Crappy Art Direction presentation with them Photoshopping frames from the movie instead of showing actual sketches and paintings.

* Wow, it’s been 10 years since Cuba Gooding Jr. decided that he’d had enough dignity in his career? “Boat Trip”, “Daddy Day Care”, and “Snow Dogs” should’ve prompted a repossession by now.

* Never expected Xavier Bardem to win. (j/k) What did they bleep out?

* The spoof montages were funny. Too bad they didn’t have time to show them.

* Why does Keri Russell always look like she’s Joan Allen’s older sister?

* Using the “August Rush” tune time to look thru the sales papers. Hal Holbrook did the “cabin patch”?

* I’ll bet Tilda Swinton is thinking that she should’ve considered her fashion choices more thoroughly as her award will be overshadowed by all the worst-dressed lists she’ll be topping. Good speech dogging Clooney and his bat suit.

* Loved the adapted screenplay intros with all the writers tapping and scribbling away while the Coens are shown sleeping and angsting. Curious that their speeches were so inarticulate, no?

* Cute film explaining the Oscar process. They left out the part where the PWC guys phone their “bets” into Vegas.

* Miley Cyrus looks like an older version of Ellen Page.

* Whoever designed that dress that minimized Kristen Chenoweth’s awesome sweater kittens needs to be disappeared STAT!

* Funny shtick with the tubby Hebrews from “Superbad” and “Knocked Up”.

* Sound awards: the rivals for the various shorts and docs for who-cares-ness.

* Gee, they’re doing Best Actress early. Marion Cot-uh-something-French wins. She’s prettier in real life. Awwww, Forest gave her a hug.

* So far, the three acting awards have gone to non-Americans and with DDL a slam dunk, it’s going to be a sweep. English, Spanish, French and Irish thespians take the prizes. Someone better not tell Lou Dobbs.

* WTF?!? Did Nintendo pay for that Wii placement?

* I kept waiting for the Glen, the Coldplay wannabe, to drop his pick thru that gaping hole in the top of his guitar. How much do you have to play to grind away that much wood? “Once” is sooooooo overrated, but the song is nice enough.

* I’ve seen 42 of the 79 Best Pic winners - Hermione 36 – including almost all from 1970 on. (I’ve got Midnight Cowboy and Schindler’s List in the stack of DVDs to watch to plug a couple of the holes.)

* “Bourne Ultimatum” is sure cleaning up the technical awards. Could “No Country” be in danger?

* WTF is that tinsel crap around Nicole Kidman’s neck? She looks like she’s been flashing at Mardi Gras.

* Why do I know that MadgeLuva469 is going to run out and buy some hoop earrings like Daniel-Day-Lewis has?

* Honorary Oscar speeches are always scintillating, aren’t they?

* Has anyone heard of ANY of the Foreign Language nominees? Where was “The Kite Runner”? They really need to overhaul the process. How dare the winner invoke the Nazis?!? Doesn’t he know that the Oscars are all about Iraq now? Nazis are so old hat.

* WTF is up with that slick spot by the stage right podium? Colin Farrell said they should fix it and Xenu’s former favorite son almost fell on it.

* Nice to see the “Once” tune win if only because it gives the lowly indie musicians some hope. I didn't hate the movie; it just isn't all that.

* Classy move to have the Russian(?) girl back on to give a secondary speech. Hey, she mentioned indie musicians. She’s reading the Rope backstage?

* WTF is Cameron Diaz wearing? She looks hippier than Jennifer Hudson.

* “There Will Be Milkshakes” gets Cinematography, so it looks like they’re spreading the wealth around. Perhaps Roger Deakens split his vote?

* Hillary “Do I die in this one?” Swank intros the These Are People Who Died montage. Heath Ledger edges Ingmar Bergman in the applause competition. Hermione wonders where Brad Renfro was.

* Gee, Hollyweird finds a use for our soldiers: To inoculate themselves against charges that they’re anti-American and anti-solider with the category that followed their appearance. Not the least bit cynical. Not at all. Pffft.

* HA!!! “Sicko” loses, thus making Michael “There will be a meal served, right?” Moore’s year of defeat complete. Where was Fidel Castro? Did he eat him?!?!?

* True Fact: Diablo Cody is the first Oscar winner to go onstage with an exposed punk girl tattoo since Jessica Tandy won for “Driving Miss Daisy”. Hermione says, “Right now in seedy strip clubs everywhere, the next Great American Movie is being written.”

* Did Bono write Mirren’s speech?

* DD-L wins?!?! Jeez, everyone lost their Oscar pools. Seriously though, if he wasn’t in it this year, it’d be tough to handicap the race because the other performances were solid.

* The Coen Brothers have really come back from “The Ladykillers” and “Intolerable Cruelty”, haven’t they? They’ll have three Oscars to juggle tonight. Literally.

* Overall, a decent show. It moved quickly – overall run time: 3:17 - and had a few sweet moments and no truly dreadful lulls. Jon Stewart was good enough, though I’d rather have Steve Martin. Overall show grade: B+