Thursday, January 31, 2008

Crisis on the Dump List!

A long 2-1/2 years ago, I tallied up some of the celebrity babes on my Dump and To Do Lists. (Read that post to understand the premise and see who was on the lists.) In the intervening period, I realize that just about all the ladies of the Dump List have fallen off to the To Do List or even oblivion along with some of the To Do girls. It's time to take stock of what's happening.

Of the original five Dump List names, only two remain - Angelina Jolie and Gina Gershon - and of those two, I'm not sure if I'd really want to ditch forever my girlfriend Hermione for either of them. Gershon is OK, but Angelina has really started to annoy me. It's not just the whole Mia Farrow serial-adopter and Brad Pitt breeding thing, though that sucks, but she's simply ceased to be any fun. While she is reportedly knocked up with another pair of Brad's spawnlings, the scandal sheets are reporting that he is getting tired of having to follow her from one Third World hellhole to another while she's doing her do-gooder ambassador shtick. I know I'm bored watching this and I get to stay in the part of the world with safe drinking water and no landmines. (Now, potholes...)

For someone who used to be the focus of all my carnal fantasies to become like broccoli is a big letdown. I used to have some options with which to delusionally threaten Hermione with - "You'll be sorry when Angie, Salma, Gina and I are living together! You'll miss me!" - but now name-checking AJ seems like a cop-out. I don't want to go to Botswana just to tap that. I want the babe from "Mr. & Mrs. Smith". C'est la whatever.

With the Dump List almost evacuated, that leaves the To Do List to find solace with and there's been some movement there too. Nicole Kidman (turned plastic, married a drunk), Linda Park and Jolene Blalock (replaced by other genre babes) are off and while the others are still on, it's not like I'm plotting to stalk any of them. Sure, if Charlize Theron...OK, bad example, I'd stalk her, but you kinda get my drift.

Anyway, here are the new entries on the To Do List (in no particular order):

* Anne Hathaway - Not Shakespeare's wife, but the yummy star of "The Devil Wears Prada". Google her nude scenes from "Havoc", too.

* Scarlett Johansson - Total commie, but a commie with curves and boobs.

* Grace Park - Booting the Trek babes (including the unrelated Linda Park) is the babe Cylon from the new "Battlestar Galactica" series. Too bad the Cylons don't do that assimilation thing.

* Stephanie Chaves-Jacobsen - Even I can't remember her name, referring to her as "the hot chick from the BSG: Razor movie". Too bad she didn't get to be a regular.

* Elisha Cuthbert - Kim Bauer was a twit, but Elisha's got some acting chops in that hot bod. Check out the creepy incest drama "The Quiet" for her performance. Can't believe I forgot her before.

* Jessica Alba - Another omission. Can't act a lick and is knocked up, but she's a babe.

* Laura Harris - I just watched the whole "Dead Like Me" series and she was adorable. She's on "Womens Murder Club" with a very bad haircut, but most know her as the surprise blonde jihadist on the 2nd season of "24".

* Summer Glau - Star of that "Hottie Terminator" show. Yeah, it's the same role that was so annoying in "Firefly", but this time she's cute.

* Anna Friel - Chuck on "Pushing Daisies". Another adorable one. Lot of that going around.

* Rachel Bilson - She looks a little like Raquel Welch on the face.

* Keira Knightly - But she's gotta eat a few sandwiches.

* Josie Maran - Bad actress, bad dancer, cute girl. Search for her Italian photo spread on the farm.

* Evangeline Lily and Yun-jin Kim of "Lost". Together would be nice.

* Marcia Cross and Eva Longoria of "Desperate Housewives".

* Caroline Dhavernas - Star of "Wonderfalls"; just saw her again in "Breach".

* Jewel Staite - Another "Firefly" girl.

* Brittany Murphy - Hermione pointed out her slightly trashy charms. Thanks, babe.

* Rosario Dawson - I forgot her last time?!? Yikes! Sorry!

That's enough for now. It's not like I'm getting any of them before the weekend. Courage.

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